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Written here is the full transcript of the episode "The Po Who Cried Ghost" from the Nickelodeon television series Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness. This transcript has been separated into three segments, indicated accordingly to the episode's commercial breaks.
Character dialogue lines were originally written by the episode's screenwriter, Gene Grillo. Descriptions shown between italicized brackets were written by contributors of this article.
[The episode begins with an outside view of the student barracks during a thunderstorm. The scene then cuts to Mantis standing on top of tiny box lantern as he tells a scary story while Po and the rest of the Furious Five listen.]
Mantis: The menacing figure crept closer. Closer! He loomed over his helpless victims as they suddenly realized… he had highly… contagious… flu symptoms!
Crane: No. No! Nooo! [Crane’s hat falls to the floor.]
Mantis: [Mantis chuckles.] I knew that would get him!
Tigress: [Tigress raises an eyebrow towards Crane as he hides behind his hat.] Riiight. Anyone else?
Monkey: How about you, Po? Know any scary stories?
Po: Dooo I? [Po maniacally laughs. The camera turns to the Furious Five, who all look annoyed towards him. The camera turns back to Po, who stops laughing after looking at all their faces.] Yeah. [Po walks up to the front and holds the lantern.] Prepare yourselves for the incredible true story of the jiang shi. [Po brings the lantern closer to his face.] The hopping ghost! [The scene cuts to 2D-animation, a close-up shot of a floating field of spherical lanterns. The camera zooms out to show a mix of rabbits, pigs, and geese standing around a flaming black cauldron.] Every year, we honor our departed ancestors at the Ghost Festival. [The scene cuts to two rabbits and one pig outside the festival area walking together.] But when the proper respect is not paid, [One of the rabbits casually throw a red glass cup – that they drank from – on a tombstone and continue walking.] the dead can turn nasty! [A hole suddenly appears from the burial ground. One of the jiang shis – gremlin-looking zombies that wear a blue traditional Chinese cap and blue traditional Chinese silk shirt - rise from the hole.] The undead corpse transforms into a jiang shi [The scene cuts to many jiang shis levitating out of the graveyard.] and prowls the earth, lusting after the blood and brains [The scene cuts to them levitating through the streets.] of the living! [The scene cuts to one of the rabbit people waking up from a jiang shi creeping outside the window, then to another rabbit person with his back against the wall as a few jiang shi slowly approach him.] Stiff from being dead and junk, they’re forced to hop around in an unbendy and hideous fashion. [The scene cuts to a still-shot of a pig and a rabbit being terrified of a swarm of jiang shis in the air.] Possessing creepy powers, they can fly through the air, [The scene cuts to a jiang shi levitating through a wall behind a goose.] walk through walls, [The scene cuts to a jiang shi exhaling a green gust of air to a rabbit, causing him to immediately tense up his muscles and fall over.] or freeze you with their horrible death breath. And their next victim… [The scene cuts to a group of jiang shis suddenly surrounding the Furious Five audience.] could be you!
Tigress: [Tigress gasps.] That’s terrifying, Po! [The scene goes back to 3D-animation.] … If I was four!
[The Furious Five laugh at Po.]
Monkey: Good one good one, Tigress!
Crane: What’s terrifying is that you actually remember all that randomness.
Tigress: You don’t really believe in all those old stories, do you?
Po: Uh, yes. Guys, ghosts are real! That’s why I’ve read about every ghost scroll in the library.
Monkey: No one likes a ghost smarty-pants, Po.
Po: Perhaps. But if we ever run into a hopping ghost, you won’t know what to do and I will. [Master Shifu scares Po into bumping to a wall by opening the door behind him.] Finally, someone who knows his ghosts. Tell these nonbelievers the stories about the throttling and the choking and the hurting!
Shifu: As you said, Po. Stories. There are no such things as ghosts.
Po: Do the ghosts know that?
Shifu: [Shifu ignores Po.] But in spite of the facts that people do believe, for instance, we’ve just received a report from the countryside of... strange apparitions. [Thunder and lightning suddenly appears. Shifu doesn’t react.]
Po: Strange apparitions? [Thunder and lightning suddenly appears again. Po reacts with slight fear.]
Shifu: Strange apparitions. [Thunder and lightning suddenly appears again. Shifu doesn’t react.]
Po: [Po looks to his left and right with a confused look.] Strange apparitions. [Thunder and lightning suddenly appears again. Po whimpers.]
Shifu: Po, some residents actually seem to claim they’ve seen the jiang shi. As head of the Jade Palace, I must investigate these reports personally. Even if they are… utter nonsense.
Po: Nonsense? Uhh, hate to disagree, but I’m kind of an expert.
Shifu: Which is why you are going with me.
Po: [Po initially screams in fear, but then smoothly transitions to a nervous laugh.] Love to. [Po continues laughing nervously.] Look at the time! [Po attempts to walk out of the room slowly.] I was… supposed to visit my dad… in Mongolia… for a week.
Shifu: You’re going. And that’s final.
Po: Master Shifu, let’s… let’s not rush into anything here, I mean, if you get bitten by a jiang shi, you gradually become one of them. It’s like my biggest fear.
Shifu: I’m sure you’ll deal with it. After all, you are the fearless Dragon Warrior. [Shifu leaves.]
Po: [Po’s face is frozen, except his mouth, which moves as he nervously chuckles. The scene cuts to Po walking through a dark forest filled with dead trees while nervously talking to himself.] La la la. Scary trees. La la la. Deserted road. La la la. Stench of death. La la la la. Panicky sweat. Join in any time, Master Shifu. Sixth verse, same as the first. La la la. Scary trees.
Shifu: Po! [Shifu is knocked forward as Po’s belly bumps against his back.] You can stop singing now. We’re here. Thankfully.
Po: Oh. [The camera turns around to show a small cabin.] Heh, doesn’t look so bad. Uhh, where exactly is here?
Shifu: The Valley of Peace Cemetery.
[The camera zooms out to show three big tombstones spread out. Po is startled as he turns around and sees them.]
Po: [Nervous] Nice… head stonage.
Shifu: Wait here, I’ll go find out who’s in charge. [The camera moves along with Shifu to the right. Shifu stops when Po suddenly appears in front of him.]
Po: Sure you don’t need my help?
Shifu: I’m fine. [The camera moves along with Shifu to the right again. Shifu stops when Po suddenly appears in front of him again.]
Po: ‘Cause I’m pretty good at finding people who are in charge of stuff.
Shifu: I’ll be fine, thank you. [The camera moves along with Shifu to the right again. Shifu stops when Po suddenly appears in front of him again. Shifu is now surprised that Po managed to appear out of nowhere a third time.]
Po: The thing is if a ghost gets me, I kinda need my brain.
Shifu: [Shifu inhales deeply in thought.] No, too easy. I’ll be right back. If you really need me, just shout.
Po: Okay. [Po shouts as soon as Shifu is off-screen.] Shifu!
Shifu: [Shifu worriedly runs back towards Po.] Yes?
Po: Just testing.
Shifu: [Upset] Go sit down, Dragon Warrior!
Po: [As soon as Po goes off-screen to the left, he reappears from the right. Shifu becomes visibly upset.] Right. Sitting. [Shifu looks behind to see Po still not sitting. Shifu angrily glares at Po. Po nervously chuckles as he goes off-screen to the left again. The camera turns to show Po hesitating to go near the tombstones.] Hello? Dead guys? I’m just gonna sit here. Not cause any trouble. And uh, for the record, my brains taste terrible. [Po is now walking backwards.] Haven’t shampooed them in weeks. [Po sits down and hyperventilates.] Pull it together, Po. You heard Shifu. There are no such things as ghosts. [The camera shifts to a hand quietly popping out from a burial ground near Po’s paw. The hand feels for its surroundings, eventually touching Po’s paw. Po trembles in fear, then whimpers, and then hyperventilates as the hand continues touching him. He repeatedly struggles for some time to completely say Shifu’s name, only able to say the first syllable of it.] Shifu. Shifu. Shifu. Shifu! [Po falls backwards.] Shifuuuu! [Shifu quickly runs back to see Po blindly punching something below the burial ground.] Hopping ghost!
Shifu: [Shifu looks at Po with worry, then with disappointment shortly after.] Po, that’s not a ghost. [The camera turns to show a goat groaning in pain as he rubs his head.] That’s the undertaker.
Po: And that explains the death reek. [Po lifts up the undertaker.]
Undertaker: I’m so sorry I scared ya, young fellow. I—I was reaching for my shovel.
Shifu: [Shifu bows down.] Our apologies, sir. We’re from the Jade Palace.
Undertaker: The Jade Palace? Oh, how nice. [The undertaker looks at Po.] You must stay for tea.
Po: No time, nice old guy. We’re here to investigate strange apparitions. [Po gets scared by the sudden appearance of thunder and lightning again.] Seriously?
Undertaker: You mean… [The undertaker pulls up a wooden mask, which has a blue dragon’s face painted on it.] like this?
Po: [Po screams momentarily.] Exactly.
Undertaker: [The undertaker chuckles.] Don’t be such a silly. It’s only a mask. [The undertaker gives the mask to Po.]
Po: [Po looks down at the mask in disappointment.] A mask?
Undertaker: I’m afraid the local kids have been playing pranks in my graveyard. Now everyone thinks we’re haunted.
Shifu: Pranks, of course. See Po, I told you. There are no ghosts.
Po: Huh. Yeah, okay. I may have overreacted. In a completely understandable way. [Only thunder appears.] Guess we gotta hit the road before the— [Rain starts pouring.] rain.
[The scene cuts to Po, Shifu, and the undertaker in the cabin.]
Shifu: [Shifu looks at the undertaker.] You’re too kind. We’ll be glad to stay. Won’t we, Po?
Po: [Po happily laughs.] Not as long as there aren’t any… masks. [Po happily laughs again.] I kid. New panda now. Totally cured. Not afraid of anything. [The scene cuts to Po lying down in an open coffin.] Still… sleeping in a coffin is kinda…
Undertaker: Coffins aren’t much for comfort, but I rarely get any complaints. [Undertaker happily laughs.] You see what I did there?
Po: [Po casually laughs.] Yeah, good one.
Shifu: Excellent. Well, good night Po. Sleep tight.
[The undertaker closes the door as him and Shifu leave.]
Po: [Po nervously gulps.] Oh uh, I’ll sleep tight alright. That’s how I does my sleeping. Tight. With relatively little fear. [Po screams and then closes the coffin on himself when he hears a gust of wind. The camera moves to focus on a swinging window.] Relax Po, it’s just the wind. [Po gets up and closes the window.] Stupid wind, it’s not ghosts. There are no ghosts. There are NO ghosts. There are NO— [The lights from the room and from his lantern suddenly go out.] lights. [Seconds later, the lights suddenly come back on along with a jiang shi near him.] That’s better. [Po casually laughs.] Get a hold of yourself, Dragon Warrior. Just uh, walk it off. [As Po walks, the jiang shi hops behind him unknowingly. He stops and looks back, only to see nothing as the jiang shi suddenly flies up.] Huh? [He sniffs his armpit.] Note to self, bathe more. [Po turns around and screams as he sees a jiang shi in his coffin bed. Po stares at it for a moment and then casually laughs.] Nice mask, Shifu. But you’re wasting your time with your little test. [Po pulls on the jiang shi’s face.] Why isn’t this mask coming off? [The jiang shi does a 360 degree turn with its head and then walks towards Po.] Uh, Master… Shifu? [The jiang shi says “Yes” multiple times in a ghastly voice.] Hopping ghost! [The jiang shi continues walking.]
[End of Act 1]
[The episode continues with the jiang shi still walking. As soon as the jiang shi jumps at Po, a fight occurs between them.]
Po: [He knocks the jiang shi down once, only to see it get back up without bending its knees.] Cool! [The fight continues. Po pulls apart both its arms, surprised that both of which can still attack by themselves. The armless jiang shi continually slides closer. Po climbs on top of a stack of coffins in a panic, only to behead the jiang shi when he falls along with the top coffin. Po arrogantly laughs as he holds the head.] Yes! Ah, gotcha! Not so tough without your body now, are you? [Po groans from smelling a green gas released from the jiang shi’s mouth.] Death… breath. [Po falls back into his coffin bed unconscious. The jiang shi regains its head and approaches the sleeping Po.]
Shifu: [Off-screen] Po! Po! [The jiang shi looks in the direction of Shifu’s voice and then levitates through a wall.] Po! [Po wakes up, yells, and tips his coffin bed over himself. Shifu opens the door.] Po, did you borrow my loofah again?
Po: [Po gets out of the coffin bed.] Master Shifu! Fangs, claws, death breath! Well, more like pass-out breath. But still, it’s a hopping ghost!
Undertaker: [The undertaker appears from behind the door frame.] A hopping ghost? That’s impossible.
Shifu: [Shifu sighs in disappointment.] There’s no one here but you. You must’ve been dreaming.
Po: But I saw it! He was gonna feast on my brains, but I knocked its head off!
Shifu: [Shifu picks up the blue wooden mask from the floor.] You mean this head?
Po: [Po screams.] Another mask?
Shifu: Pack your things. We’re going home immediately.
Shifu: [Shifu looks at Po in anger.] Your behavior is an embarrassment to the Jade Palace. When we get back, you and I are going to have a serious talk.
Po: Yes sir…
[The scene cuts to a distant view of the Jade Palace, then to a closer shot of Po, Tigress, and Monkey standing nearby.]
Tigress: Po. Monkey and I wanted you to know we believe you.
Monkey: And we’ll do anything we can to help. [Monkey extends his hand, which appears to be covered in a white glove.] Put ‘er there, pal!
Po: Ah thanks, guys. It means a lot— [Po is frightened from pulling apart Monkey’s arm, which was actually a fake arm.]
[Monkey and Tigress laugh at Po together.]
Monkey: It’s a carved potato!
[Monkey and Tigress walk away laughing.]
Shifu: [Off-screen] Po! Po! Get in here at once! [As Po reaches the entrance to Shifu’s room, he stops to prepare himself mentally for Shifu’s talk with him.]
Po: Before you start, I just wanna say you’re right. I’ve been acting like a scared little kid.
Po: Let me finish. I’m done with the whole ghost thing. From now on, I’ll be rational… fearless. You’re not gonna hear any more terrified shrieks outta me.
Shifu: [In a battle stance] Po. I wouldn’t be too sure about that. [The camera zooms out to show two jiang shis are right next to Po, with Shifu on the opposite side. Po shrieks in terror and then hides behind Shifu.] You were right all along. They must’ve followed us back here. [As the two jiang shi approach them, a fight ensues. Shifu is eventually brought down by their green gas breath. One of the jiang shi levitates through Po. The two jiang shis drag Shifu out of the Jade Palace through a mirror.] Po!
Po: Master Shifu! Nooo! [Po bumps into the mirror and falls backwards.]
[Tigress and Monkey comes into Shifu’s room.]
Tigress: Where’s Shifu?
Po: He’s been kidnapped by hopping ghosts! They flew through the air, and then jumped through that mirror! Like this! [Po attempts to go through the mirror legs first three times, but fails in all three attempts. Tigress and Monkey watch this in confusion.]
Tigress: Shifu is gone, and there definitely was a struggle here.
Po: Guys, you have to believe me! Shifu’s in big trouble if we don’t find him. And I think I know where to start looking.
[The scene cuts to Po, Tigress, and Monkey at the cemetery.]
Monkey: You sure you’re not getting back at us for the potato hand?
Po: Trust me, guys. This is where the ghosts hang out. I know. I saw them.
Tigress: Well you keep saying that, but it’s a lot to believe.
Monkey: Yeah! What did those ghosts even look like?
Po: They’re all shriveled, and icky, and decayed. [Tigress and Monkey gasp in surprise.] I know, it’s terrifying. Plus, they make horrible sounds with their mouth holes. [Tigress and Monkey scream in fear.] No, it’s more like… [Po imitates the jiang shi’s breathing noise. Tigress and Monkey scream in fear again.] No, still not gettin’ it. [Two jiang shis suddenly appear hovering behind Po.] It’s a back of the throat thing. Try to put it right… [Tigress and Monkey force Po to look the other way. Po screams in fear. The camera zooms out to show many more jiang shis levitating.]
Monkey: Definitely a back of the throat thing.
Po: See?! I told you. I told you I was right! [The jiang shis jump forward once in unison.] Right, not really the time to gloat.
Monkey: Let’s get out of here!
[Po, Tigress, and Monkey turn around and scream.]
Po: It’s okay! It’s just the nice old undertaker guy.
Undertaker: Am I glad to see you.
Po: I know, it wasn’t pranks. The ghosts are real! This is bad.
Undertaker: You don’t know the half of it. [The undertaker laughs sinisterly as he pulls out a staff. Thunder and lightning suddenly appear.]
[Po, Tigress, and Monkey step away from the undertaker.]
Tigress: Uhh, Po? Who’s your friend here?
Undertaker: I’m just a simple soul who’s raising an undead army to conquer China!
Po: Whoa! [Tigress and Monkey give Po an angry look. Po looks back sheepishly.] Goals are important.
[The undertaker slams his staff on the ground, causing a pulse of green energy to spread out from the staff. Hands of more jiang shis suddenly appear from the ground, rooting the three in place.]
Undertaker: All I needed was a warrior to lead that army. [The undertaker points to his jiang shis.] I tried to get you, but since you were such a fraidy-panda, I decided to find someone even better. [The undertaker points his staff at the entrance of a crypt. A closed coffin suddenly flies out and opens, revealing Shifu as a zombie.]
[The three scream at the sight of this.]
[End of Act 2]
[The episode continues with the three screaming again at Shifu’s zombie form.]
Po: Master Shifu!
Tigress: Po, what happened to him?!
Po: He’s been bitten by the jiang shi! He’s being zombified!
Undertaker: [The jiang shis surround the three.] Just like I promised, my pets. Fresh, healthy brains. Except maybe the panda, probably just gristle.
[Shifu hops towards the three. Po tries to run, but realizes one of the jiang shis caught a hold of his legs. He does a twist jump, breaking the arms of the jiang shis below him. He frees Monkey and then fights against Shifu. Po eventually wins by knocking him out with a kick.]
Undertaker: [The undertaker appears from behind a tombstone near Shifu.] Aw, I know. Brain eating’s hard at first. [The undertaker points his staff towards the jiang shis.] Show him how it’s done! [The undertaker moves his staff towards the three.] Everyone!
[The jiang shis surround the three again.]
Po: Guys, we can still save Shifu. He’ll turn back to normal at sunrise, if he still hasn’t feasted on our brains yet!
Tigress: Nice “if”! [Tigress struggles to fight against two jiang shis.] No!
Monkey: [Monkey struggles to fight against three jiang shis.] No! [Po struggles to fight against four jiang shis. The three run away with Shifu’s coffin.] They’re unstoppable!
Tigress: We won’t make it to sunrise at this rate!
Po: We’ve got to stay uneaten. It’s Shifu’s only hope.
Monkey: It’d be kinda nice for us too.
[The three enter another cabin.]
Po: Quick, barricade the door! [The three block the door with chairs, tables, and pillows.] Heh, let’s see them get through— [The jiang shis hop through the door.] Oh, right. [The jiang shis surround the three again.]
Undertaker: Now, don’t shove. [The undertaker goes through a mirror along with two jiang shis.] Plenty of brains for everyone. [The undertaker points his staff towards the three.]
Po: He’s controlling everyone with that staff!
Tigress: There’s too many!
[The three are eventually pinned down by the jiang shis. Po continues to fight while the other two give up. He turns one of the jiang shi’s heads to grab hold of an ornament attached to the tip of the undertaker’s staff and send the staff flying into the air. Po catches the staff and frees Tigress and Monkey from the jiang shis.]
Po: [Po laughs in triumph as he holds the staff.] Now who’s your ghost daddy? [The jiang shis stand still.] Undead… ees.
Undertaker: [Tigress and Monkey grab hold of the undertaker.] Give me my staff! You have no idea how to use its power.
Po: Uh, I think I do. [He points the staff towards the jiang shis.] Back! [The jiang shis hop backwards.] Oh cool! Forward! [The jiang shis hop forwards. Po laughs in amusement.] Now make it funky. [The jiang shis clap their hands in the air.]
Po: Sorry. [He looks at the jiang shis.] I command you all. Forget your anger! Return to the earth and be at peace. Forever. [The jiang shis slightly bow and then leave through the ground.]
Undertaker: No, my ghosts! No! You bad panda! I’ll get you for this. My vengeance will be terrible. Terrible!
Po: Uh, ghost guys. Wait! I forgot something. [The jiang shis reappear from the ground.] Can you drop him off at Chorh-Gom Prison first?
[The undertaker pleads for mercy as the jiang shis drag him off.]
Tigress: Good work, Po.
Po: I love a happy ending. [Shifu appears from the ground behind Po.] I had to open my mouth. [Po points the staff towards Shifu.] Uhh, back! Sort of… undead Shifu. [Shifu attacks the three.]
Monkey: Why didn’t it work?
Po: It’s because he’s not fully a ghost yet. [Shifu exhales a green gas to the three. Tigress and Monkey almost pass out.] But if Shifu eats our brains before sunrise, he’ll become a jiang shi permanently! [Shifu suddenly disappears and then reappears to attack the three.]
Tigress: There’s no way to fight him! We’d have to be—
Po: Ghosts ourselves... I know. [Po looks down at a jiang shi’s head.]
Tigress: Po, no!
Po: [Po holds the jiang shi’s head against his chest.] It’s the only way! After I’m bitten, I may only have a few minutes of Po left in here. [Po points to his brain.] I’ll try to keep him off until sunrise. [Tigress and Monkey look at Po in concern.] Aww man. [Po allows the jiang shi’s head to bite his arm. Po yelps in pain and then faints. He wakes up as a zombie and touches his newly grown fangs.] Awesome… [Po playfully hops back and forth.]
Tigress: Po! [A fight occurs between Shifu and the three. Shifu is eventually defeated by Po.] Po, you did it! But how are you able to control your— [Po walks towards Tigress and Monkey, intending to attack both of them.] Oh darn. [Tigress looks behind Po and sees light coming from a gap in the door.] Sunrise! [Tigress and Monkey slides past Po and breaks open the door, exposing Po to the sunlight. Po faints.] Po, speak to me!
Po: [Po wakes up.] I didn’t eat anyone’s brain, did I?
Shifu: [Shifu wakes up.] Po, the ghosts! Are they gone?
Po: Looks that way, master. We’re safe. [Po burps a little bit of green gas.] Sorry, leftover death breath. [The scene cuts back to the student barracks during the evening.] Undead Shifu crept closer. Closer! His horrified victims suddenly realized… that Po had been right about everything! [The Furious Five and Shifu give Po an angry look as he laughs sinisterly.]
Shifu: Yes, Po. For the hundredth time, you were right and we were wrong.
Po: I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening. Could you all say that together, in unison?
The Furious Five and Shifu: We were wrong.
Monkey: Ghost smarty-pants.
[End of Act 3]
[End of transcript]