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Written here is the full transcript of the episode "The Kung Fu Kid" from the Nickelodeon television series Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness. This transcript has been separated into three segments, indicated accordingly to the episode's commercial breaks.
Character dialogue lines were originally written by the episode's screenwriter, Scott Kreamer. Descriptions shown between italicized brackets were written by contributors of this article.
[The episode opens up with Shifu playing his flute in the courtyard of the Training Hall. As he plays a snoring sound is heard. He examines the flute and continues playing. Another snoring sound is heard, this time Shifu turns and sees Po standing on one leg while sleeping.]
[Po startlingly wakes up and turns to Shifu.]
SHIFU: You need to practice your Tai Chi for the closing ceremony.
[Shifu begins playing his flute as Po starts doing Tai Chi. A flapping sound is heard, causing Po to get defensive. He grabs Shifu's flute and points it at the enemy, who he discovers to be Zeng.]
PO: Zeng! Sorry about that.
PO: [Gasp.] The Olive Branch Crown! For me!
[Po grabs the crown and puts it on.]
PO: I get to wear the crown! Yay me!
[Po wears the crown over his ear.]
PO: Check out the jaunty angle.
SHIFU: Po, this is the Peace Jubilee, not the Attack Zeng with a Flute Jubilee.
[Zeng walks away.]
ZENG: My wife will do that later.
PO: Just trying to stay ready in case Temutai tries to squish my head.
SHIFU: Nonsense, hostilities are strictly forbidden during the Peace Jubilee, even with the warriors of the Qidan. They are our guests.
[The Furious Five walk by.]
TIGRESS: Wait, Po's wearing the Olive Branch Crown? Po? Traditionally, one of the Furious Five does the unification ceremony.
PO: C'mon Tigress, the jubilee needs some new blood. You know, a fresh face, the new guy to [Laughs a little.] show that the Jade Palace is looking toward the future. Plus, I get to wear the crown! [Laughs happily.]
TIGRESS: Po's right.
PO: I am?!
MANTIS: Am I missing something?
TIGRESS: No, because it also means he'll have to judge the children's Kung Fu matches.
[Tigress walks away.]
MANTIS: All you buddy.
[Monkey and Mantis walk away, leaving Po confused.]
PO: Uh, thanks.
[Later, a buffalo arrives at the Jade Palace. Po and Shifu await Temutai's arrival in front of the Hall of Warriors. The buffalo blows on a trumpet.]
BUFFALO TRUMPETER: Presenting, the Warrior King of the Qidan, Temutai.
[Temutai slowly and tiredly makes his way toward Po and Shifu. Po and Shifu pass glances. Temutai gets up the stairs and walks toward Po and Shifu, breathing heavily.]
PO: [Bows.] Temutai.
TEMUTAI: [Bends over, breathing heavily.] Let me... catch my breath. [Stands up straight.] Dragon Warrior, Shifu.
SHIFU: Thank you for accepting our offering of peace on this day. [Bows.]
TEMUTAI: I have only one thing to say about this, so called, "Peace Jubilee".
[Temutai has a scowling standoff with Po and Shifu.]
TEMUTAI: Are these crowns awesome OR WHAT?!
PO: I know, right?!
TEMUTAI: Have you tried it at a jaunty angle?
PO: [Points to his crown.] Livin' it!
[Po and Temutai begin laughing.]
TEMUTAI: Oh, a jaunty angle and a jaunty... [Mumbles.]
[The two calm down.]
SHIFU: Ahem, it's time to head down to the village.
TEMUTAI: Wait, we have to walk down?
[Down in the village, a crowd of villagers and Qidan warriors cheer. They stand before a stage with Po, Shifu, and Temutai on it. Four children also sit on the stage. Shifu nods to Po.]
PO: [Stands up.] Thank you, citizens. I now declare this Peace Jubilee-- open!
[The crowd cheers.]
PO: And to start the festivities, the annual Children's Kung Fu Matches!
[The crowd sighs and stops cheering.]
PO: Let the first match-- begin!
[A young rabbit takes a fighting stance. A young pig rips off his shirt and throws the pieces.]
PO: Cool! What's everyone so down on this for?
[The two children run towards each other and start slap fighting, much to Po's chagrin.]
PO: Oh, right.
PIG PARENT: Yeah, that's my boy!
[Another fight starts. Two children bump heads when they bow. Po nearly falls asleep. Two more children cringe at the thought of fighting. Another child blows bubbles while his opponent pops them. Po and Temutai fall asleep.]
SHIFU: Po! Temutai!
[Po and Temutai snap awake and look over to Shifu, who motions toward the children.]
PO: Right, uh, I mean, you guys are awesome!
[The kids smile.]
PO: Uh, it's gonna be real tough to pick a winner. Real tough.
TEMUTAI: Wait, I have one more competitor, my little nephew, Jing Mei.
[The stage starts shaking as heavy footsteps approach. A large water buffalo stands near the children.]
JING MEI: Ready, uncle.
PO: Your little nephew?
TEMUTAI: You should see his SISTER!
PO: Okay, so I guess we should match him up with...
[Terrified, the children run away.]
PO: Yeah, uh, looks like we...
[The camera pans over to Peng, hiding behind the crowd. The crowd parts.]
PENG: Me? No, no Lam, n-not me.
[Jing Mei approaches Peng, knocking down a cart.]
PENG: Well, if you put it that way, okay.
[Peng does a fist-in-palm solute toward Jing Mei. The two get up on the stage.]
SHIFU: What's your name, son?
PENG: Peng, the name is Peng.
PO: Are you sure about this?
PENG: I am, [Bows.] Dragon Warrior.
PO: Okay, good luck then. (Whispers) You're gonna need it. Fighters, begin!
[Jing Mei charges toward Peng. Peng moves out of the way and blocks Jing Mei's hits. Peng grabs Jing Mei's hand and throws him down. The crowd gasps in disbelief.]
[Jing Mei gets up, only to be thrown across the stage by Peng, much to Temutai's humiliation. Jing Mei stands up. In a single combo, Peng hits Jing Mei several times, knocking him to the floor and winning the match. The event leaves Po and Shifu amazed.]
PO: The winner is Peng.
[Jing Mei remains on the ground.]
TEMUTAI: I knew I should've BROUGHT YOUR SISTER!
PO: Did you see that?! I saw it. Did you see it?! He's amazing! He's-he's-he's-he... ha...
[Peng steps off of the stage. Po runs over to him.]
PO: H-h-h-hold on there genius, that was some awesome Kung Fu. Where did you train?
PENG: No where, I have no formal training. Except in pottery.
PO: No formal... Ha, you totally have train with us at the Jade Palace!
PENG: Really?! I mean, I'm kinda on a journey but...
PO: Yeah, a journey to the Jade Palace.
PO: Oh, please, please can we keep him? Can we keep him? Pleeeeease? He's even pottery trained!
TEMUTAI: Nonsense! A warrior such as this needs to train with us in the QIDAN!
PO: Peng here needs to learn to do things the right way, at the Jade Palace.
TEMUTAI: Sure, if he wants to be a do-nothing who POSTURES AND POSES!
PO: Do-nothing?! I'll show you nothing!
[Po pokes Temutai on the stomach. The crowd gasps. Temutai double takes at Po poking him.]
TEMUTAI: You dare to poke the Warrior King of the Qidan with your FINGER!
PO: If I done did it, I done dared it.
SHIFU: Uh, ladies and gentlemen, this is not part of the Peace Jubilee.
TEMUTAI: You have challenged me, for this you WILL PAY!
[Temutai takes a stance, followed by Po. The two stare at each other in silence.]
[End of Act 1]
[Shifu starts to worry as Po and Temutai prepare to fight. Po and Temutai lunge at each other, but Shifu jumps in between them and moves Po to the side.]
SHIFU: Gentleman, please! This is the Peace Jubilee!
[The audience is somewhat disturbed by the commotion.]
PO: I'm sorry.
TEMUTAI: Sorry. Our bad, our bad.
PO: I'm sorry everybody. I'm sorry.
PENG: Please, I'm not worthy to be fought over. But if I have to choose one, I choose to train at the Jade Palace.
[Peng bows to Po. The crowd cheers.]
PO: Ha, in your face!
PO: Uh, is a look of wonder and beauty.
[Po sticks out his hand to shake hands with Temutai. Temutai grabs Po's hand and crushes it.]
TEMUTAI: [Growling.] I will BE IN MY TENT!
[Temutai walks away. Po's hand is trembling as he lowers it. Peng glances at Po and he stops trembling.]
PO: Heh, didn't hurt.
[Po turns and tries to play it cool.]
PO: Ouchie mama!
[Po and Peng walk to the end of the village and cross the bridge.]
PO: You are gonna love the Jade Palace, Peng.
PENG: I never dreamed that when I stopped here for the Peace Jubilee, that I would end up training with you, Dragon Warrior. It's-It's amazing!
[The two stop walking. Po steps aside.]
PO: Please, a kid with your skills! You were all like...
[Po begins mimicking various Kung Fu moves.]
PO: You work hard, Peng, and one day you might even join the Furious Five. Which would make six... Or, with me, seven. I never could figure that one out.
PENG: Or maybe become Dragon Warrior!
PO: Heh, well, that's sort of a universe-choose-y thing. So, unless you've got some kind of pull with the universe... [Chuckles.] You don't, do you?
CHILD: There he is!
[A group of children come running toward Po and Peng.]
CHILD: It's him! It's him!
PO: I get this a lot.
[Po approaches the kids.]
PO: Hey guys, you enjoy the...
[The kids run past Po and crowd around Peng, much to Po's disappointment.]
CHILD: Could we have your autograph, Peng?
PENG: Oh, come on. Nah, not me.
PO: Go on, it's okay, enjoy it. I know I do.
[Peng begins signing the children's scrolls.]
PO: Huh, anybody? I'm right here. I'm available for a couple minutes. I can... sign for you. My hand works, it's great. I'm right-t... You gotta picture?
[Later, Po and Peng arrive the Training Hall.]
PO: And this is where the magic happens.
[As they descend the stairs into the hall, they see the Furious Five training on the various mechanisms, much to Peng's amazement. The Five stop training and greet Po and Peng.]
TIGRESS: Nice job today, kid. Wanna take the Training Hall for a spin?
PENG: Really? I-I mean, could I? I don't... I don't know if I can...
TIGRESS: Go ahead.
PO: Easy, sport. It's a wee bit tougher than it looks.
[Po walks over to the Adversary.]
PO: Probably wanna start where I did, over...
[Peng lets out a Kung Fu yell. Po looks up to see Peng training on the mechanisms. Peng takes on every mechanism. Peng jumps over to Po and the Five and bows.]
MONKEY: That was amazing!
MANTIS: Oh, I'll say. I mean, you got the hang of that a lot faster than... [Glances over to Po.] um, some guys... I've heard of in... Song.
TIGRESS: Excellent job.
MONKEY: Kid, you've got a future.
MANTIS: Seriously, listen to the monkey.
[In anger, Po pushes the Adversary, causing it to bounce back up and hit him. He walks away, but quickly comes back and stares down the dummy and backs away from it.
The scene changes to Po sitting on Peach Tree Hill, eating a peach.]
ZENG: Po, come quickly!
PO: Um, Zeng, what is it? An emergency that only the Dragon Warrior, and not some young new guy, can handle?
ZENG: Um, no, actually, uh...
PO: [Sigh.] You're right, I'm being silly. I mean, it was my idea for Peng to train at the Jade Palace.
ZENG: Well, there's a...
PO: Big deal if people think he's cool. Doesn't mean he's gonna swoop in and replace me or anything.
ZENG: I suppose...
PO: Of course he's not, thanks Zeng. Sometimes a panda just has to vent.
[Po sits down.]
ZENG: (Panicking) You're late for the Jubilee Feast!
PO: The Jubilee Feast!
[Po gets up and begins walking away.]
PO: I completely forgot! My crown!
[Po picks up his crown and walks away.]
PO: Good talk buddy.
[Po makes his way to the village and arrives at the feast.]
PO: Heh, without my sparkling Dragon Warrior banter, these feasts can be so... Boring
[Po arrives at the feast and sees The Jade Palace masters, Temutai and the Qidan, villagers, and Peng all laughing. Po walks up to a laughing Mr. Ping.]
MR. PING: Shh, quiet, Po.
PENG: ...And finally, he took the pots and said, "I never even wanted the lids!"
[Everyone begins laughing.]
TEMUTAI: It's funny BECAUSE IT'S TRUE!
PO: What uh... Heh, hey, what's... What's so funny so funny? I was late, so I missed the...
TIGRESS: (Laughing) And you-you really did that thing with your foot?
[Everyone starts laughing again. Po continues trying to get their attention.]
PO: Hey, uh, what foot thing? Huh? Uh, I like foot stories. I like to talk about feet, ha.
[The group continue laughing. Po frantically looks around.]
PO: TELL ME!
[The group stops laughing and looks at Po.]
PO: Uh, tell me how your all enjoying the feast.
MONKEY: It's great, grab a seat.
[Po walks up to the end seat, where Peng is.]
PENG: Oh, sorry Dragon Warrior, I'm in your chair.
[Peng begins getting up as Po walks over.]
SHIFU: Oh, nonsense, Po doesn't mind finding another seat, do you Po?
PO: Uh, well I-- guess not.
[Peng sits back down.]
MANTIS: Oh, Peng! Peng, do your Po impression again.
PENG: Oh, I dunno.
PO: (Monotonously and sarcastically) No, really, I'd love to see it.
PENG: It's more of a tribute, really.
[Peng jumps on the table and performs his impression.]
PENG: Behold, the awesome power of the Dragon... Are those dumplings?!
[Peng eats a bowl of dumplings and chews them loudly. Everyone laughs, excluding Po.]
MR. PING: He gotcha there, huh son?
PO: Heh, that's-- funny.
[Later at the Student Barracks, Po lays in his bed and complains about Peng.]
PO: Everyone likes Peng better than me. He even made Tigress laugh, I didn't know she did that! [Exhale.] Relax, Po. You're still [Yawn.] the Dragon Warrior. Peng, [Chuckles.] he's just [Closes his eyes.] passing through.
[Po falls asleep and begins dreaming. A 2-D animated sequence begins. A large Fung, Hundun, Taotie, and Scorpion loom over the Five.]
TIGRESS: We're no match for them, we need the Dragon Warrior.
[Po appears on a nearby mountain, wearing a cape and rice hat. Po jumps down in front of the villains.]
[Peng jumps in front of Po.]
[Peng quickly beats the villains and is joined by the Five.]
PO: Wait, what am I supposed to do?!
[Peng turns toward Po and tears off his limbs, turning him into another Adversary in the Training Hall. Po screams and wakes up. End of 2-D animation.]
PO: [Gasping.] No, I won't let him!
[Po puts on his crown and gets up.
Po meets up with Shifu in the Hall of Warriors.]
PO: Master Shifu...
SHIFU: Oh Po, there you are. I need to talk to you about something.
PO: Yeah, but I...
SHIFU: I've been thinking about what you said.
PO: You mean No Pants Fridays?
SHIFU: No, but all you said about a fresh face and the new guy. About showing everyone that the Jade Palace is looking to the future. Quite profound.
PO: Well, in a pinch, I can go profound.
[Po begins smiling proudly.]
SHIFU: That's why, I think, that the closing ceremony Tai Chi should be performed by Peng.
[Po drops his smile.]
SHIFU: He's quite special.
SHIFU: Then, we're agreed.
SHIFU: I'll take him the crown.
[Shifu approaches Po, who remains still. Po then reaches for the crown, doesn't grab it, but motions as if he was handing it to Shifu.]
SHIFU: You didn't give it to me.
PO: Oh, sorry.
[Po hand Shifu nothing, again.]
PO: Uh, you know what? I'll give it to Peng. I mean, after all, it was my brilliant idea to bring him here, right?
SHIFU: Good, be quick, the ceremony is tonight.
PO: [Sigh.] You can count on me.
[Po arrives in the Training Hall, where Peng is signing an autograph for Zeng.]
ZENG: Thanks so much. It's for my mother.
[Zeng passes Po.]
PO: Your mom saw, you want me to...
PENG: Greetings, Dragon Warrior.
PO: Hey, I've got some news from Shifu. Uh... Uh...
PENG: Is something wrong?
PO: Yes, yeah. Yeah, y-you have to go.
PENG: What? Th-this is your desire?
PO: Y-yeah, well no, n-not me, uh, Shifu. Yeah, you're just not makin' the cut, and he, not me, uh, thinks it would be better if you just left.
PENG: I-I-I'm hurt.
PO: Wow, right? I mean, tough-tough break. They... Shifu, they're tough around.
PENG: But, I thought this is... I can't believe that you invited me here, and now you say I'm not good enough!
[Po becomes fearful at Peng's sudden anger.]
PENG: I'll prove to Shifu he's wrong! He's wrong!
PO: Wait, no-no Peng!
PENG: You'll see!
[Peng swings to the top of the Training Hall.]
PO: Peng! Peng!
PENG: You'll all see!
SHIFU: So, Peng, are you... Where's Peng?
PO: Uh, he said uh, odd, uh, no thanks.
PO: Yeah, can you believe it? He admitted he was just-- using us to get famous, so he left.
SHIFU: Using us. Using us? Hmm, I guess it was too much to ask him to be so skilled and to be honest and pure of heart. Like you, Dragon Warrior.
[Po laughs nervously as Shifu leaves.]
PO: Oh man! What'd I... I gotta find Peng!
[Down in the village, Temutai is in his tent, sanding his horns.]
TEMUTAI: (Humming) Temutai, Temutai, that is...
TEMUTAI: What are you doing here?!
PENG: They threw me outta the Jade Palace! They think I'm not strong enough! And I'm here to show them they're wrong!
TEMUTAI: Ha, yes, by TRAINING WITH ME!
PENG: No, by showing them that I can destroy you!
[Peng picks up a sword and points it at Temutai.]
TEMUTAI: That's-- DIFFERENT!
[End of Act 2]
PENG: After I defeat you, Shifu will see what real strength is!
[Peng swings the sword at Temutai. Temutai dodges the attack, causing Peng to hit a wooden stool.]
TEMUTAI: Perhaps you could just do some BENCH PRESSES.
[Peng breaks the stool and continues swinging the sword at Temutai. Temutai blocks and oncoming attack with a table, causing Peng's sword to get stuck. Temutai pushes Peng away, causing him to shortly lose hold of the sword. Peng grabs the sword and charges Temutai. Temutai grabs a mace and blocks the attack, only to be kicked in the face by Peng. Temutai falls back and is pinned by Peng. Jing Mei arrives and walks into the tent.]
JING MEI: Uncle, have you seen my...
[Jing Mei sees Peng and Temutai fighting.]
JING MEI: Nope, not in here!
[Jing Mei runs away.]
TEMUTAI: I never LIKED THAT KID!
[Temutai throws Peng to a support beam. Temutai swings an axe at Peng. Peng dodges the attack and grabs his sword. Peng lands on Temutai's head, holding the sword high. Temutai throws his head back, throwing Peng into a wall. Peng's sword gets stuck in the wall and he is cornered by Temutai.]
TEMUTAI: Haha, now you will...
[The sword falls out if the wall and Peng uses it to cut the spiked ball off of the mace.]
[Peng swings his sword at Temutai, only to be stopped by Po.]
PENG: Dragon Warrior.
TEMUTAI: You are defending me?
PO: Yeah, weird huh?
PENG: Out of my way so I can finish him!
[Peng swing the sword at Temutai, but Po blocks it with a stool.]
PO: No, Peng stop.
[Peng begins swinging the sword at Po.]
PENG: I've practiced my Kung Fu with no expectations! No plans! No dreams! Until you gave me one! And then, Shifu snatched it away!
[Peng kicks Po into Temutai.]
PO: You okay?
TEMUTAI: No I'm not, and it's YOUR FAULT!
[Temutai hits Po aside. The three pass glances at each other and as they prepare to fight.]
PO: Uh, wait, are you and you after him and him or me?
PENG AND TEMUTAI: Yes!
[In another part of the village, a crowd gathers before Shifu and the Five.]
SHIFU: Welcome to the closing ceremony of this jubilee, in celebration of peace.
[Po, Peng, and Temutai bring their fight to the area, disrupting the peace. Temutai throws an apple cart at Po. Po kicks the cart, destroying it and hitting Temutai with an apple. Peng attacks Po, knocking him into a cart. The cart causes two villagers to bump into each other. The villagers begin pushing each other. Other villagers push others into one another and soon the crowd is fighting, much to Shifu's dismay. Peng attacks Po as Temutai charges at the two.]
SHIFU: Quickly, help Po!
[The Five take stances but are stopped by the Qidan.]
QIDAN WARRIOR: Not shall disturb King Temutai while he vanquishes your Dragon Warrior.
[A loud slapping sound is heard and Po flies through the air.]
TIGRESS: Hopefully, no one will disturb us while we vanquish you!
[Tigress attacks the Qidan warriors, followed by the rest of the Five. As the Five fight the Qidan, Temutai holds Po in a hold as Peng punches him. Po grabs Peng with his feet and swings him into Temutai. Peng gets up and takes a stance.]
PO: Wait, no, Peng stop!
[Po looks around and sees that the Peace Jubilee has turned into a massive fight in the village. Monkey beats up two Qidan warriors. Mr. Ping Hits a buffalo over the head with a wok. Even children fight one another.]
PO: No, no, no!
[Po sees a child hitting a knocked out buffalo with a horn.]
PO: Stop it!
[Po yell stops the fight and puts silence over the entire village.]
PO: Peng, you don't understand!
PENG: Understand what?!
PO: I lied, Peng. Shifu didn't want you gone-- I did.
PENG: What?! What're you saying?!
PO: It's just that, all of a sudden, everyone was like, "dig Peng." And then you got all liking it and I was jealous and mad and I... [Takes of his crown and throws it.] I wanted to wear this stupid crown.
[Peng calms down along with the villagers. Everyone remains silent for a while.]
PO: Listen, the thing of it is, um, uh... Everybody having a good time?
VILLAGER: Get on with it!
PO: Look, this isn't the Po's a Whiney Baby Underpants and Somebody's Cooler than Him Jubilee. It's the Peace Jubilee. Peng, I'm sorry.
[Peng picks up the Olive Branch Crown.]
PENG: And so am I. I apologize for my anger, Dragon Warrior.
[Peng hands Po the crown. Po smiles and puts on the crown. Temutai moves the crown so that it is at a "jaunty angle".]
TEMUTAI: I like the JAUNTY ANGLE!
[Po and Temutai begin laughing.]
TEMUTAI: J-Jaunty angle!
SHIFU: Well, this is certainly one Peace Jubilee we won't soon forget.
PO: You mean because I almost ruined everything?
PO: Right. Uh, let's get this jubilee on the road!
[The villagers cheer.]
SHIFU: Now, Po, it's time to do the Ceremonial Tai Chi.
PO: Oh yeah, right. We can do it together!
[A pig hits a gong. Po, Temutai, and Peng perform the Ceremonial Tai Chi all with their crowns on their heads.
The scene changes to Po and Peng walking in the forest.]
PO: So, you wanna come back and train with us?
PENG: Perhaps when I finish my travels. I'm searching for my uncle.
PO: Really? Who's your uncle?
PENG: His name is Tai Lung.
[Po is horrified to learn this.]
[End of Act 3]
[End of Transcript]