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Written here is the full transcript of the episode "Secret Admirer" from the Nickelodeon television series Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness. This transcript has been separated into three segments, indicated accordingly to the episode's commercial breaks.
Character dialogue lines were originally written by the episode's screenwriter, Katie Mattila. Descriptions shown between italicized brackets were written by contributors of this article.
[The episode opens up with Tigress meditating in her room in the Student barracks. She does so until she hears voices nearby.]
[Tigress goes back to meditating but hears the voice again. She leaves her room and sees the rest of the Five (minus Monkey) waiting outside of Po's room.]
VIPER: Oh hey! Morning Tigress.
TIGRESS: What's going on?
[Tigress has a confused look on her face.]
MANTIS: Monkey's about to pull the best wake up prank on Po ever! This is going to be epic!
CRANE: Wanna watch?
TIGRESS: Don't be ridiculous, of course I don't want to... Ooh, this does look good.
[The Five (minus Monkey) observe Monkey setting up his prank while Po sleeps. Monkey places a bowl of pudding on the floor and uses a pulley system to raise Po's bed up.]
MONKEY: Po... (giggles) YOU'RE LATE FOR TRAINING!
[Po leaps off his bed but falls right into a bowl of pudding. The Five laugh as Po falls for the prank. Po gets up upset and his bed falls on him, knocking him out.]
MONKEY: Te he he! Gotcha ya! You've been Monk-ed.
PO: Ha ha. Good one. Got me again. Lucky for you, I'm not petty or revengeful or...
[Po tries to dive after Monkey, but misses and falls to the floor. Monkey kicks Po in the face and takes off.]
PO: It is so on.
[The scene switches to outside the Training Hall, where Hu is talking to Shifu.]
SHIFU: I'll send out a team to look for them at once.
[Shifu and Hu observe Monkey and Po landing on each other outside the Training Hall. They continue to fight, until Po sends Monkey crashing into some debris.]
PO: Looks like the Monk-ster just got Po-ed. (laughs)
[Monkey is seen slowly coming up.]
PO: Monkey are you okay?
[Monkey turns around and appears to have no hands.]
MONKEY: My hands!
PO: Ahh! Oh, no! Monkey, forgive me. Oh Monkey!
[Monkey quickly reveals his hands.]
MONKEY: Gotcha you again.
[Po dives after Monkey. Shifu walks up to them.]
SHIFU: Po! Monkey!
[They get up and bow to Shifu.]
PO: Master... Shifu. When did you get... Whoa! [Looks at the debris he and Monkey created.] How did that happen?
SHIFU: I thought I made it clear. This little prank war between the two of you must stop.
MONKEY & PO: He started it! [Points to each other.]
SHIFU: I don't care who started it. I want it to end before one of you goes too far and does something you regret. Is that clear?
MONKEY & PO: (Sadly) Yes.
SHIFU: Superintendent Woo and his daughter were supposed to arrive at the Jade Palace last night. I need...
HU: We need.
SHIFU: (Angrily) We need but mostly I need you to find them and...
HU: ...escort them back here at once. Well, speech pots off to you.
[Po and Monkey exchange looks and head off into the Bamboo Forest.]
MONKEY: You heard what they said, no more pranks.
PO: Not until I get even.
MONKEY: Bring it on Panda!
[Monkey is swinging through the bamboo forest with ease, while Po has trouble catching up. Monkey stops.]
MONKEY: Something's wrong. We should've run into them by now.
PO: Oh relax! They probably stopped at an inn so that Superintendent Woo could yell at someone.
[Po sees a tree branch hanging and realizes it is the perfect opportunity to get even with Monkey in their prank war.]
PO: Hey! What's that? [Points to the opposite direction.]
[Monkey turns around to observe the thing Po is pointing at, while Po sets up his prank.]
PO: Behind that bush thing.
[Without Po noticing, Monkey switches the branch to behind Po.]
MONKEY: I don't see anything.
PO: Let's check it out.
[As Po and Monkey head off to check out that "thing", Po ends up falling for his own prank and ripping his pants as a result. Just before his pants fall down Po grabs ahold and yanks them up]
MONKEY: Nice try! Let's face it Po, I'm too good. You'll never get even.
[Po growls as Monkey for a second, before the two of them hear Superintendent Woo in this distance.]
WOO: What are you doing? You can't...
MONKEY: Did you hear that?
WOO: I'm a big deal here. I'm a big deal.
[Po and Monkey hide behind a bush to observe what's happening, and they see Superintendent Woo and his daughter Ming tied up and questioned by Bao, Lao and Tsao.]
WOO: Why you? Why you? You guys are stupid or whatever? Why do you keep abducting me?
BAO: For the big, fat ransom. We've been following you for months, waiting for the perfect moment, and this is then for that.
WOO: Who talks like that? I'm a ranking superintendent. You're going to get caught and heavily fined. You hear, huh?
LAO/TSAO: I forgot what a whiney boy he is.
[Lao/Tsao takes a closer look at Ming, and takes the Stone of Lu Mong from her.]
LAO/TSAO: Thank you. Our mom's birthday is coming up.
[Ming gets angry, and then beats up Lao/Tsao until he gets knocked out.]
MONKEY: [While observing.]] Wow. Let's give her a hand Po.
PO: Monkey, wait. My hands are kinda busy.
[Lao/Tsao is still suffering from his injury while Bao and Lao/Tsao laugh.]
LAO/TSAO: It's not funny!
[Meanwhile, Monkey leaps in the air and takes out Lao/Tsao.]
WOO: Finally! About time!
[Monkey prepares for combat while Bao and Lao/Tsao get out swords. As they head to Monkey, their swords disappear. Po then kicks both of them.]
[Po prepares for more combat, but then his pants fall down. Woo and Ming can't believe it.]
[Po pulls his pants up, and in doing so, just misses an attack from Bao/Lao/Tsao.]
[Po quickly takes out 2 bandits, and his pants end up slipping again. Luckily, he pulls his pants up before they fall down again]
[All 3 pigs get up and Bao gets out a sword.]
PO: Really guys?
BAO: This isn't over.
[Po and Monkey leap in the air and prepare to finish off the 3 pigs.]
LAO/TSAO: Maybe it is.
[The 3 pigs flee as Po and Monkey land back on the ground safely.]
WOO: What are you doing? 'ey. 'ey. Go after them. They're getting away.
PO: Those guys, cough, don't worry about them.
[Monkey approaches Ming and takes off the rope on her mouth.]
MING: How dare you disobey my father. Go after them.
[Monkey simply stares at Ming, not hearing a thing she's saying.]
MING: You fool. Dunnerhead. Nit wit. Do you have clavus in your ear? Go after them. Do you hear?
MONKEY: Don't worry. They won't bother you with us around.
MING: Then I'll do it myself.
[Ming takes off but Monkey grabs her. She tries attacking Monkey, but he picks her up and carries her.]
MING: Put me down NOW.
MONKEY: I'm sorry, but we have orders to take you back to the Palace.
WOO: Put her down right now.
PO: You coming?
WOO: No. Not until you go after those pigs.
[Po quickly picks up Superintendent Woo and carries him.]
WOO: 'ey! 'ey! Put me down. Now.
[Superintendent Woo and Ming continue to struggle while Po and Monkey carry them off.]
PO: Wow! She's just like her dad. Mean, and bossy.
MONKEY: And she smells like strawberries.
PO: Ya, right! I hate strawberries.
[Later that day at night time, Hu, Shifu, Po, Monkey, Superintendent Woo and Ming are seen talking in front of the Jade Palace.]
WOO: Never have I been treated like that in all my life.
MING: They should be floored, tortured.
SHIFU: I'm terribly sorry, but in their defense, they were only trying to get you to safety.
HU: And now that you are safe, you can hand over the Stone of Lu Mong.
MING: No we can't. The pigs stole it.
HU: Stole it!?
HU: [to Po and Monkey.] Why didn't you go after them.
PO: Wait wait wait wait wait! Nobody said anything about a stone.
[Superintendent Woo approaches Po.]
WOO: What? Do you need everything explained to you before you do something? [Knocks on Po's head.] Huh? Stupid. Huh?
HU: This is disastrous. Catastrophic.
PO: Woah woah woah! What's so important about this stone?
HU: A Lu Mong delication is coming within a matter of days to take it. When they find it's not here...
MING: War! All because of YOU! You and your idiotic bungling. I hope you're happy.
PO: [Chuckles]. There's not going to be a war. Tigress probably already caught up with those pigs and has the stones. And if you'd spend less time yelling and told us about the stone in the first place, none of this would've happened.
[Ming opens the door to her bedroom and slams it.]
MONKEY: She touched me.
PO: Ugh! She's got a lot of nerve. Ugh, she makes me so crazy.
MONKEY: She makes me crazy too. Anyway... I'll see you in the morning.
PO: (to himself) Makes you crazy too, huh? [Chuckles.]]
[Later that night, Po enters Mantis' room, where he is writing on a scroll. Po entering the room causes him to mess up.]
PO: Mantis! I got it! I finally know how to get even with Monkey for all those pranks.
MANTIS: Didn't Master Shifu tell you...
PO: I know, I know, but I gotta get even with Monkey. This prank is my chance. You have to help me write a letter.
[Later that night, Po and Mantis read the letter they've created.]
PO: Ok ok. Read that back.
MANTIS: [Clears his throat.] I Ming, hereby order you, Monkey to go out with me tomorrow afternoon. [Chuckles.]
MANTIS: Dress is extremely formal, [Po laughs.] bathing is mandatory,... That's awesome... P.S. You're paying.
[Po and Mantis then laugh it out.]
MANTIS: Oh man! He's going to freak out when he reads it.
PO: Right? He can't stand her.
[Po and Mantis then sneak into the barracks hallway and slip the letter into Monkey's room.]
[Monkey sees the letter and reads it.]
PO: This will be so funny. He'll be yelling (in a mocking voice) No, no, no!
MONKEY: Yes, yes, YES!
[Monkey blasts out of his room in a happy mood.]
MONKEY: Yes! Po, Ming likes me. She sent me a letter ordering me out on a date with her. I'm the happiest monkey in China.
[Monkey continues dancing.]
PO: But Monkey, I thought you couldn't understand her.
MONKEY: Oh whatever gave you that idea.
PO: Uh oh. Uhh, Monkey...
MONKEY: Not now Po. I have to get ready. I can't believe it. Ming likes me. She likes me.
[Monkey returns back to his room, while Po looks on worried about what he just did.]
MANTIS: Best prank EVER!
[Po pushes Mantis off his shoulder.]
[End of Act 1]