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Written here is the full transcript of the episode "Qilin Time" from the Nickelodeon television series Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness. This transcript has been separated into three segments, indicated accordingly to the episode's commercial breaks.
Character dialogue lines were originally written by the episode's screenwriter, Paul Rugg. Descriptions shown between italicized brackets were written by contributors of this article.
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[Episode opens in the Jade Palace courtyard. Crane and Monkey are drinking from a cauldron with a ladle.]
PO: Um, what are you guys doin'?
MONKEY: Trying your soup.
[Monkey takes a drink of the 'soup' from the ladle.]
PO: Um, that's not soup. I'm washing my clothes.
[Monkey pauses and pulls out a piece of fabric from his mouth and spits out the water.]
MONKEY: What are you trying to do, kill us? [Monkey leaves.]
CRANE: I'm gonna be sick! [Crane flies off and coughs heavily.]
[Po picks up the ladle and checks no one is looking before taking a drink himself but is interrupted by Apple Cart Duck.]
APPLE CART DUCK: Po! Po! Your father! He's in horrible trouble! The noodle shop! It's terrible!
PO: I'm coming dad! [Po scoops out a pair of pants from the boiling cauldron and puts them on. He then hops in pain as the pants are hot from the water.] Ah, hot pants! Hot pants!
[He falls backwards down the Jade Palace stairs and bounces all the way down before arriving at the Noodle shop. Po stands ready to fight but looks around to find customers eating as normal and nothing wrong with his father or the Noodle shop.]
MR. PING: Ah, there you are! Table six needs bean buns.
PO: Table six needs bean buns! That's the horrible trouble?
MR. PING: What? It's busy! I need your help. By the way, your pants are filthy. You should wash them.
[Mr. Ping is slicing vegetables in the Noodle Shop kitchen and Po is looking at him angrily.]
MR. PING: Why are you looking at me like that?
PO: I thought someone was trying to kill you are something, you lied to me.
MR. PING: Well, would you have come if I'd have said table six needed bean buns.
PO: That's not the point, if you do stuff like this then how can I believe you.
MR. PING: Can't we talk about this later please? [He picks up two bowls of bean buns and hands them to Po.] Table six still needs bean buns.
[Po reluctantly serves the table bean buns and when walking back a Pig child claims he has finished his noodles and hands them to Po to take away.]
PIG CHILD: I'm done!
PIG MOTHER: Oh no you don't! You haven't touched those noodles.
PIG CHILD: I'm not hungry!
PIG MOTHER: If you don't finish your noodles, the Qilin is going to eat you up.
PIG CHILD: There's no such thing as the Qilin.
[Suddenly the sound of plates crashing is heard.]
MR. PING: Who said that? Who-who said there's no Qilin? Who?! [The pig child raises his arm.] Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you my little friend but the Qilin is quite real and I assure you I've seen it with my own two eyes! It was horrible!
[A flashback is shown of Mr. Ping's run in with the Qilin as a child.]
MR PING (Voiceover): I was your age. Against my parents wishes I'd gone frolicking deep into the Xin Xao forest. Frolic, frolic, frolic. I was so busy frolicking I didn't realize I was lost. Lost! I heard a horrible breathing sound and when I turned around, there it was! The Qilin! I ran as fast as I could! I even tried flying but I hadn't learnt that yet so that was pointless. The Qilin came after me.
[End of Flashback.]
MR PING: Luckily, I fell into and floated to safety by disguising myself as a log.
[The horrified Pig child picks up his bowl of noodles and eats them all.]
PIG MOTHER: Oh thank you Mr. Ping.
MR. PING: Oh you're welcome and don't worry sonny. The Qilin won't eat you; it just chews your head off.
[The pig child runs off screaming.]
PIG MOTHER: Oh Mr. Ping, how could you?! [She runs after her son.]
PO: Went a little overboard there, didn't you dad.
MR. PING: Just telling the truth.
PIG CUSTOMER: Ah come on Ping, knock it off! The Qilin's just a legend.
MR. PING: I'm telling you it's true! It attacked me! The Qilin is real! [All of the customers laugh at Mr. Ping's statement. Mr. Ping looks around at everyone laughing at him. He looks to Po for support but he looks away and sighs. Enraged, Mr. Ping goes back into his shop.] I'll show them! [He returns with a bag over his shoulder.] Attention stupid customers! I'll prove the Qilin exists. I'm going to find it and bring it back!
PIG CUSTOMER: How you gonna do that Ping? I thought the Qilin was huge [Laughs]
MR. PING: Nothing's too huge for the Dragon Warrior.
[Mr. Ping walks out of the shop to begin his quest and Po runs after him.]
PO: Dad stop! We need to talk.
MR. PING: No time, we need to reach the Xin Xao forest before nightfall.
PO: We? No dad, see there's no 'we'. I'm not going with you.
MR. PING: You heard them laughing at me, you don't want to help your father restore his honour.
PO: By looking for something that doesn't even exist?
MR. PING: It does exist! Well fine, never mind. I'll go by myself.
PO: You could get lost or hurt.
MR. PING: That's a risk I'll have to take. Goodbye Po. If I don't come back, something horrible must have happened to me. [He begins shaking as an act to make Po feel sorry for him so he will accompany him on the journey.] Now which way is it? I get so turned around. Oh dear, if only I had someone to go with me. [Mr. Ping 'weakly' attempts to 'try' and pick up the bag he had slung over his shoulder but fails. He looks at Po with the saddest face possible, Po looks unconvinced.]
PO: [Sighs] Fine! I'll go with you.
MR. PING: Oh thank you son. [Mr. Ping easily tosses up to Po the bag that he 'couldn't' pick up.]' Now hurry up!
[Po and Mr. Ping begin their journey to the Xin Xao forest in search of the Qilin. Finally they arrive.]
MR. PING: There it is, the Xin Xao forest. You ready son? Let's go get ourselves a Qilin! Well go on...
PO: I can't believe we're doing this.
[Po begins to walk into the forest.]
MR. PING: Po quick! Put your hands over your head. Make it harder for the Qilin to chew it off! [Po ignores his father and carries on.] Keep your eye out for clues.
[The two are deeper in the forest now, still searching for the Qilin.]
MR. PING: Hmm, interesting. Yes, yes this may be something. Look son! Qilin poop!
[Mr. Ping points at some rocks.]
PO: Those are rocks, dad.
MR. PING: Oh, they've hardened. Well come on!
[They carry on and Po trips over the rocks the were looking at. Suddenly, Po hears a rustling noise. He looks around and sees nothing but continues to hear the rustling.]
MR. PING: What?
PO: We're not alone.
MR. PING: What?!
PO: Behind us, keep moving
MR. PING: [Gasps] It's the Qilin, Po! Po, put your hands on your head! Somebody help!
[Something runs through the bushes towards them very fast.]
[End of Act 1]