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Present Tense

Episode title card

Written here is the full transcript of the episode "Present Tense" from the Nickelodeon television series Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness. This transcript has been separated into three segments, indicated accordingly to the episode's commercial breaks.

Character dialogue lines were originally written by the episode's screenwriter, Doug Langdale. Descriptions shown between italicized brackets were written by contributors of this article.

Act 1

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[The episode opens up to a snow-filled Valley of Peace. Kids are throwing snowballs at each other while there is music being played by three villagers. In Mr. Ping's Noodle Shop, Po, the Furious Five, Shifu, and several other out-of-towners, prepare for the Winter Festival.

MR. PING: Ok everybody... He he... We're gonna have many, many, many people here for the Winter Festival feast. Lots of out-of-towners this year, like Xiao Niao, Li Tang, and Difan Lui.

XIAO NIAO: Yay! (claps her hands)

SHIFU: Welcome. Now, since we're inviting the kung fu masters here, there are going to be a lot of mouths to feed. So I'd like to thank the Furious Five for volunteering to help.

TIGRESS: I didn't volunteer.

PO: You weren't there when Shifu passed around the sign-up sheet, so I wrote your name in. You're welcome! [Walks toward Shifu and Mr. Ping.] Well, we got a lot of work to do, so lets all get to it.

MR. PING: Great! Now Po, if you could...

PO: I'm on it, Dad!

[Po runs into the Noodle Shop. In his room, Po is seen carving a piece of wood. Tigress walks up.]

TIGRESS: Po? [Po gives a startled yell.] Your father needs you.

PO: Uh, just a minute. Almost done.

TIGRESS: With what?

PO: Hang on. (Grunts) This! [Po turns around holding a bent piece of wood with a dip at the end.] Every year I make my dad a Winter Festival present.

TIGRESS: A boomerang?

PO: No, it's a spoon.

TIGRESS: That's a spoon?

PO: It's a... I couldn't find a straight piece of wood, and...

TIGRESS: You guys make such a big deal about this holiday, and you're giving your dad that? [She turns and leaves.]

PO: Um, yeah. But, I mean, it took me a long time to... carve it.

MR. PING: Hey Po! I need more sesame seeds!

PO: I'm on it, Dad!

[Po goes to the basement and begins looking for the seeds.]

PO: Sesame seeds, sesame seeds. If I was a sesame, where would I... OH MY GOSH! Dad got me the nunchucks I've been wanting forever! [He picks them up and begins practicing.] Solid silver! Perfectly balanced!

[Po continues practicing with the nunchucks until the spoon falls out of his pocket. He picks it up and compares the two gifts.]

PO: Oh man! Tigress is right. How's Dad going to feel when I give him this?

[Po imagines a few scenarios of how his father might react. First he runs away, gasping and sobbing.]

[Secondly he imagines Mr. Ping insulting him.]

MR. PING: You're no son of mine! [He turns around.]

[Lastly Mr. Ping burns Po by breathing fire on him.]

PO: Oh man. Dad deserves more than my lousy, homemade spoon. I got to get him something better.

[Meanwhile, Mr. Ping is assigning jobs to everyone.]

MR. PING: Tigress and Xiao Niao, I need you to wrap up some little presents I got for everyone.

[Mr. Ping hands Tigress a box.]

XIAO NIAO: Yay! I love helping (Grabs one of the gifts off the box) Don't you love wrapping presents? It's so creative. (Giggles excitedly)

TIGRESS: We are not gonna get along.

(Po comes downstairs)

PO: Hey, Viper, I need...Whoa. Sweet necklace.

XIAO NIAO: I know, right? Don't you love it?

(Shows the necklace to Tigress)

Tigress: It looks like an old apple-core.

(Xiao Niao looks at it and laughs)

XIAO NIAO: (laughs) You're funny! (Giggles)

(Po sets down the seeds for his father)

MR. PING: Oh thank you, son. Now if you could...

PO: I'm on it, Dad! (Grabs Viper) Need your help.

(The scene changes with Po and Viper walk down the street where some young children are having a snowball fight.)

PO: Viper, you have to help me get my Dad a present as awesome as the one he got me. All I did was carve him a lousy spoon.

VIPER: Po, what's important about a gift, is that it comes from your heart. A handmade spoon is a lovely...(He shows her the spoon.)...Oh, wow, yeah. Let's hit the market place. (They walk into the busy marketplace.) Po, what does your Dad love more than anything else, besides you.

PO: Well, that would have to be cooking.

VIPER: So why don't we look for something cooking-related?

PO: See? This is why I needed you. You are the master!

VIPER: Some chopsticks?

PO: Ahhh, too cheap.

VIPER: A bamboo steamer?

PO: He's got like three hundred of them.

VIPER: A rice baller?

PO: Naaa. (Turns and sees a 'wok-shaped thing') (Collective sigh) It's beautiful. It's the most beautiful wok-shaped thing I've ever seen. It's perfect. Perfect, perfect, perfect. Dad will love this. How much is it?

SALESMAN: For you, five hundred yuan.

PO: FI-FI-FI-FI-FIVE HUNDRED YUAN!!! Do I look like someone who has five hundred yuan?

SALESMAN: No sir, you do not. Could I interest you in some pre-owned chopsticks?

PO: Where am I going to get...

HU: Five hundred yuan! Five hundred yuan reward for the capture of this escaped convict.

PO: Constable Hu, can I see that?

HU: Certainly, Dragon Warrior. I'd go after the scoundrel myself, but I have seemed to have developed a... bit of a paper cut.

VIPER: (Gasps) It's Shengqi. He's a kung fu master from Muchang Township . They say he could have been one of the greatest ever. Shengqi is definitely not someone you want to mess with, Po.

PO: Maybe not. But my Dad deserves an awesome Winter Festival present. I'll do it.

HU: Excellent, sir! Best of luck to you.

VIPER: Po, are you sure about this?

PO: That wok ain't gonna buy itself. Next stop, Muchang Township.

(Scene changes to Muchang Township. Po walks up.)

PO: Okay. This is either Muchang Township or the South Sea. (He sees a goat.) Excuse me, is this Muchang?

Villager #1: Why yes it is. Are you here for the Winter Festival feast?

Po: Well, I…

Villager #1: Hey everybody! We got company!

[A chattering crowd appears from behind Villager #1 and approaches Po.]

Villager #2: Oh… so nice to have a fresh face around here! Oh hi, how are ya?

[The scene cuts to a door suddenly opening. Shengqi looks from the tiny gap and then closes the door.]

Villager #2: Welcome to our village! It’s so nice to have you. Listen, we made all the…

Villager #3: Such a young man. I-oh…

Villager #1: We hardly ever get strangers in town for the Winter Festival.

Po: [chuckles] Great to meet you all. Actually, I’m just looking for Shengqi.

[The crowd turn their smiles into angry frowns.]

Po: But did I hear something about dumplings? [looks around and laughs nervously] Hey, uh, where’d the happy faces go?

[The villagers surrounding him are seen closely with their angry frowns.]

Po: Now you’re all like, frowny, and your eyebrows are all smushed down and stuff.

[Many swords suddenly appear and point at Po.]

Villagers: Hey, leave Shengqi alone! Shengqi’s a good guy! He didn’t do anything!

Villager #4: [off-screen] There’s only two ways this can go down.

[A villager is shown holding a hammer-mace hybrid weapon.]

Villager #4: Either we smash you into a pulp, or… uhh… Now that I think about it, there’s really just the one way.

[Po holds his hands up more as the surrounding swords inch closer.]

[End of Act 1]

Act 2

[The episode continues with Po surrounded by the hostile villagers.]

Villagers: Leave Shengqi alone! Shengqi’s a good guy! Shengqi didn’t do anything!

Po: [nervously chuckles] I’m sure you guys are only trying to protect a friend, so I have to warn you. [prepares fighting stance] I’m the Dragon Warrior.

Villager #4: Sure… And I’m the Emperor.

[Po and the villagers fight. Po easily defeats them. With his leg, he playfully spins Villager #4 and his weapon, causing the villager to end up in a different position from the weapon after every spin.]

Villager #4: Wait. What?

Po: Wanna see it again? [spins weapon] I can keep doing this all day. [spins three more times] Believe me now, Emperor Not-Previously-Believing?

Villager #4: Ok… maybe you’re the Dragon Warrior a little bit. But ya won’t get any information out of us! [points at a direction] And I am not pointing out Shengqi’s hut over there.

Po: [looks at given direction] Thanks.

Villager #4: [hits own head] Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. [falls over]

[Po slowly walks up to Shengqi’s hut and kicks open the door. The door swings back and knocks Po down the stairs.]

Po: [reopens door and smiles] Knock knock. [door falls over]

[He enters the hut and doesn’t find Shengqi inside.]

Po: Huh. [looks out window and sees footprints] Haha, prints! Of the foot-ish variety. [leaves hut]

[The scene cuts to Mr. Ping moving a box of presents and both Tigress and Xiao Niao sitting next to each other inside the shop.]

Xiao Niao: [finishes wrapping a present] There! Mine’s a bird. What’s yours?

Tigress: Geometrically perfect.

Xiao Niao: [sits next to Tigress] So, do you have all your presents ready? I love to make things for people. Do you make presents or buy them?

Tigress: I don’t give presents.

Xiao Niao: Well, it’s not all about presents. There’s also gifts! Not to mention making the Tang Yuan dumplings and eating the Tang Yuan dumplings and maybe making some more of the Tang Yuan dumplings.

Tigress: [angry] I don’t like the Winter Festival, ok? It’s a waste of time.

Xiao Niao: [pauses] And I love the singing. [gasps] Hey, I know what you need to get in the holiday spirit!

Tigress: Please don’t say a sing-a-long.

Xiao Niao: A sing-a-long!

[She pulls out a ruan and plays it.]

Xiao Niao: [singing] The winter snows may fall. And chill us to the bone. Our warmth will spread from toes to head from family and home.

[Tigress quietly growls in defeat.]

Xiao Niao: La-lala-la-la-la…

[The scene fades to a snowy mountain range.]

[Po continues walking along the road, until he looks up and sees someone walking up a staircase.]

Po: [gasps] Shengqi!

[Shengqi turns around and walks up.]

Po: Stop, Shengqi! [chases] You’re going back to prison. [almost slips] Whoa-ah!

[The scene cuts to Po barrel-rolling his way to the top of the stairs.]

[Po carefully walks in with his fighting stance. He continues to walk and look around, until Shengqi leaps out from a rooftop with a sword. They fight.]

Po: Come on! Don’t you wanna go back to Chorh-Gom? [dodges attacks] I hear they’re putting in a swimming pool.

Shengqi: What do you care if I go back to jail?

Po: I care about justice! And honor! [pulls out spoon] And I need the reward money to get my dad a better Winter Festival present. [continues fighting] Seriously, will you look at this thing? I can’t give this thing to my dad! You can hardly even tell it’s a spoon.

Shengqi: That’s a spoon?

[The fighting continues, until Po traps Shengqi underneath a wheelbarrow.]

Shengqi: Please, don’t turn me in! My daughter! I must keep my promise.

[Po gives him a confused look.]

Shengqi: Ehh, let me explain.

[The scene fades into 2D animation with Shengqi as the narrator.]

Shengqi: You see, I was the bodyguard of Duke Pingjun. All was well, until last year’s Winter Festival. Duke Pingjun was holding a feast for his wealthy friends. An enormous moon cake was served. But one of the serving girls slipped. And the cake was ruined. Furious, the duke went to slap the girl. That girl… was my daughter. Embarrassed before his guests, he accused me of assault and had me locked up in Chorh-Gom Prison. For life. And that was the last time… I saw my daughter.

[The scene fades back into 3D animation.]

Shengqi: I promised I’d get back to her for the Winter Festival

Po: [brushes away tears] That’s a sad story. [pulls out spoon] Almost as sad as my present for my dad.

Shengqi: [chuckles] Take it from a father, Po. It’s not how nice the present is that matters. As long as it comes from the heart.

[Po and Shengqi exchange smiles.]

Shengqi: Plus, that spoon isn’t really that bad.

Po: [sadly sighs] Yeah, I guess. [frowns] Wait, this spoon is so that bad! You’re just lying to me so I’ll let you go!

Shengqi: N-no! I—

Po: You probably don’t even have a daughter! Lying McFibberson!

[Shengqi angrily frowns and kicks away the wheelbarrow, along with Po. Po falls down the stairs and over the railing, leaving him hanging over the edge.]

Shengqi: How about I throw you a rope?

Po: [smiles] That’d be great!

[The scene cuts to Po completely wrapped around in rope.]

Po: Not so great.

Shengqi: I’m sorry you don’t believe me, Po. You seem like a good guy, but I have a promise to keep. [walks away]

Po: What? To go like, hit a guy? [pulls out spoon] Oh man, now I’m gonna have to give my dad this stupid spoon-erang. [pauses] Wait a second. Spoon-erang? [flings spoon] Now work your magic!

[The spoon returns, but it is unable to cut the rope.]

[Po groans in disappointment.]

[The rock holding up the rope - is shown to shake. The rope snaps and lets Po fall on his back on a curved rock.]

Po: [groans in pain] Inconvenient. Rock. Placement.

[The rock above falls on Po’s stomach.]

Po: [groans and frees himself] Stupid spoon. [pauses] Shengqi… I’m coming for you. [walks away and groans in pain]

[The scene cuts to Xiao Niao in the shop playing with her ruan.]

Xiao Niao: [singing] When the chill wind blows and everybody knows there’s a—

Tigress: [angry] Will you give it a rest already?

[Xiao Niao smiles at her.]

Tigress: That’s why I can’t stand this holiday! All this… happy family stuff!

[Monkey and Crane casually stroll in with boxes on their shoulders.]

Monkey: You shouldn’t have gotten her started. [walks away]

Crane: Same speech. Every year. [walks away]

Tigress: [angry] Presents. And the singing. And the Tang Yuan. I can’t stand Tang Yuan dumplings. They’re gluey. And you never know what they’re filled with. And I never had a family feast.

[Xiao Niao scoots back more and more from the aggressive, towering Tigress. Eventually, the snap of a ruan string is heard.]

Tigress: And I never got presents because I don’t have a family, like you do.

Xiao Niao: I don’t have a family. I’m all alone.

[Tigress loses her rage and looks in guilt at Xiao Niao.]

Xiao Niao: The only present I’m getting this year is one of these party favors. All I have are… my memories. [looks down in sadness] I’m gonna go make the Tang Yuan. [picks up broken ruan] You really think you don’t have a family? [walks away]

[As Xiao Niao leaves, Tigress sees Shifu and the other four putting up decorations.]

[The scene cuts to Po seeing a guard standing at the top of some stairs.]

Po: [walks up] What’s up?

[The guard points a spear at him.]

Po: [puts hands up] Whoa whoa whoa! Dragon Warrior here.

[The guard puts down his spear. A few injured guards are shown behind him.]

Guard: [sighs] Thank goodness you’re here, Dragon Warrior! He’s tearing us apart!

Po: Who?

Guard: Shengqi!

[Another guard falls from above and lands near the injured guards.]

Guard: Ya gotta do something! It’s my turn next! I can’t do it. You can have the reward! I don’t care! [drops spear and hugs Po] Please, don’t make me go up there! [cries] I can’t…

Po: [reluctantly] Gah-ha-ha-ha-ha-alright. Alright alright!

Guard: [smiles] Great! We’re all behind you. Except, you know, from down here. Where it’s safe.

[Po successfully climbs up the mountain and looks down.]

Po: [breathes deeply] That would’ve hurt. [turns around]

Shengqi: And so will this!

[Po steps back in fear.]

[End of Act 2]

Act 3

[The episode continues with Po and Shengqi fighting in slippery ice. As Shengqi takes his sword out, Po takes his scabbard.]

Po: [blocks with scabbard] Sorry, Shengqi. My dad’s present is more important than your pretend promise to your imaginary daughter.

Shengqi: [pushes forward with sword] She’s real! Everything I’ve told you is the truth.

Po: Yeah righ— [looks down at Shengqi’s necklace] Wait a minute. I’ve seen that necklace!

[The scene momentarily cuts to Xiao Niao holding up her necklace.]

Po: Shengqi, I—

[Shengqi kicks Po to the edge of the mountain and leaps towards him.]

Po: [dodges] Hang on, I— [continues fighting] Will ya just—

[Shengqi accidentally sticks his sword back into the scabbard. Po throws him into the air with the scabbard. Shengqi crashes down and forfeits. Po extends his hand as a truce, to which Shengqi accepts.]

Po: Now listen to me—

[The guard suddenly appears from the side and walks down with Shengqi’s arm.]

Guard: Thanks, Dragon Warrior. [chains Shengqi] We’ll take it from here. [calls for other guards]

[The other guards are shown struggling on moving across the mountain.]

Po: But—

Guard: And here’s your reward! [holds up bag of coins] Five hundred yuan.

[Po takes the bag and looks into the distance.]

[The scene cuts to Po imagining himself giving the golden wok to his dad.]

Mr. Ping: Oh, Po! It’s just what I’ve always wanted. [hugs Po] You’re the most generous loving, most perfect-est son a father could ask for!

[The scene cuts back to Po smiling as he shakes the bag.]

Guard: Uh, Dragon Warrior? You can take your reward and go now.

Po: Huh? Oh yeah.

[As Po walks up the mountain, he turns around to see a saddened Shengqi. Po looks back and forth between the bag and Shengqi’s necklace.]

Po: [sighs] Sorry, dad. [pauses] Hey guys!

[The guards look at Po.]

Po: Happy Winter Festival! [tosses bag near guards]

[As the bag spills out coins, the guards ignore Shengqi to pick it all up.]

Po: [grabs Shengqi’s arm] Come on, let’s get—

Guard: [turns around] Hey!

[The other guards turn around with their weapons out.]

Po: Uhh…

[He leaps into the abyss with Shengqi. As they fall, they both scream.]

Guard: [looks down] They’re gone!

[The scene cuts to Po hanging onto a branch with the spoon. At the same time, Shengqi hangs onto Po’s leg.]

Po: [chuckles] You know, I’m starting to think this spoon isn’t so bad after all.

[Shortly after, the branch breaks and the duo screams as they fall to a lower level of the mountain.]

Po: [groans] Stupid spoon.

Shengqi: Po, why did you do that?

Po: [smiles] Cuz you’re coming with me. A little Winter Festival surprise.

[The duo runs away.]

[The scene cuts to a plate of colored buns. More people begin to enter the decorated noodle shop. An ice sculpture of a dragon is shown.]

Shifu: Welcome to the Winter Festival. [greets Master Chao and Li Tang]

[Mr. Ping is seen sitting next to Zeng.]

Mr. Ping: Where is he? It’s not like Po to be late for the Winter Feast. Or really, any food-related event.

[Xiao Niao is seen handing a wrapped present to a child. As the child runs off, she flicks a ruan string out of boredom, until Tigress appears before her.]

Tigress: Umm, hi.

Xiao Niao: [sadly] Hi. [puts down ruan]

Tigress: I thought about what you said. You’re right. I do have a family.

[She looks at Shifu and the Five, who are all laughing with each other.]

Tigress: Look, I-I know presents aren’t the point of the holiday, but… I thought it’d be nice if you got something more than a party favor [hands Xiao Niao a new ruan]

Xiao Niao: [gasps and laughs happily] I love it! [hugs Tigress]

[Tigress smiles.]

Xiao Niao: [sadly] If only my father was here to see it.

[The scene cuts to Po peeking in the shop, while Shengqi hides behind him.]

Po: Ok. [puts fake mustache on Shengqi] Your name is Shufen and you’re a traveling ladder salesman from Hubei, whose caravan was destroyed by a tornado outside—

Shengqi: P-Po. What is all this for?

Po: Because I’m sneaking you in.

Shengqi: Why?

Po: To see your daughter.

[As Po moves aside, Xiao Niao is revealed, who immediately recognizes her father.]

Xiao Niao: [gasps] Daddy!

[As she is about to move closer, Constable Hu steps in front of her and walks towards Shengqi.]

Hu: Shengqi? Stop! By the authority of the Emperor’s seal, I—

Po: [shoves Hu] Get out of the way, knucklehead! Shengqi was framed.

[Xiao Niao hugs her father.]

Hu: [cries] I haven’t seen my daughter in years! [bearhugs Po] Ever since she ran off to Xinjiang with that amateur magician…

Po: Oh. Uhh… hey hey hey. It’s ok.

Hu: [cries] If what you say is true, Po, I’ll petition the Imperial Magistry to overturn Shengqi’s sentence!

[Shengqi bows.]

Xiao Niao: Yay! [claps]

Hu: [cries] Now, let’s go inside. I need some pudding.

Po: Sure thing, buddy.

[Xiao Niao and her father hug again. As Po is about to go in, Mr. Ping suddenly appears near him.]

Mr. Ping: Oh Po! Where have you been?

Po: It’s a long—

Mr. Ping: [drags Po’s arm] Come come. I have something for you!

[The scene cuts to the interior of the noodle shop kitchen.]

Mr. Ping: With all the preparations today, I didn’t have time to wrap your present.

[He pulls out silver nunchucks from underneath the counter.]

Mr. Ping: Here you go, son.

Po: [feigning ignorance] Oh my heavens! It is the nunchucks, which I have been wanting forever! [chuckles] Thanks, Dad.

[An awkward silence follows as Mr. Ping awaits Po’s present to him.]

Po: Umm, so, how did the Tang Yuan turn out? Not too gluey?

Mr. Ping: Ehh, don’t you have anything for me?

Po: [pulls out spoon] Um, know it’s a little… lumpy, but… here. [closes eyes and looks away in shame] I’m sorry it isn’t something better.

Mr. Ping: [takes spoon] What could be better than this?

Po: [opens eyes] But isn’t it… kind of a… piece of a junk?

Mr. Ping: [smiles] Of course not, Po. It’s from you! [pulls out large box beneath counter] I keep all your presents right here…

[He opens the box to reveal many other misshapen spoons.]

Mr. Ping: …in my collection. I’ll treasure these forever, son. Just like I treasure you.

Po: [hugs his father] I treasure you too, Dad. [pauses] So, you really like my handmade spoons?

Mr. Ping: These are spoons?

[The scene fades to the interior of the shop, where everyone is eating.]

Xiao Niao: Everyone! I’d love to break in this beautiful, new ruan Tigress gave me… with a good ol’ fashioned Winter Festival sing-a-long!

[Po, Mr. Ping, Shifu, and the other four give her a frozen, dumbfounded stare.]

Xiao Niao: [singing] When neither…

Tigress: [to the seven] Hey, it’s a sing-a-long. Sing!

Xiao Niao: …fire nor warm attire can hold the cold at bay…

The Seven: [in unison] …still loads we love and cherish most will chase that chill away…

[Hu is seen swaying his head to the song. Villagers are sharing their food with each other. Children are playing.]

Xiao Niao: When neither fire nor warm attire can hold the cold at bay…

Everyone: [in unison] …still loads we love and cherish most will chase that chill away… will chase that chill away…

[As a snowy Valley of Peace begins to zoom out, the tune of Xiao Niao’s song continues.]

[End of Act 3]

[End of transcript]