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Po-fans-out

Episode title card

Written here is the full transcript of the episode "Po Fans Out" from the Nickelodeon television series Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness. This transcript has been separated into three segments, indicated accordingly to the episode's commercial breaks.

Character dialogue lines were originally written by the episode's screenwriter, Kevin Seccia. Descriptions shown between italicized brackets were written by contributors of this article.


Act 1

[The episode opens up with Po, Shifu, and the Furious Five eating in the Dining Room of the Student Barracks. Something is shaking the table and preventing Shifu and the Five from enjoying their meals. Po is revealed to be the culprit, with his fingers stuck in a Chinese finger trap.]

PO: You will not defeat my fingers, evil finger-defeaters! Oh, it's impossible. You guys just wait 'till it's your turn. You'll never figure it out.

TIGRESS: Already did, when I was five.

PO: What?!

MONKEY: Yeah, us too.

VIPER: Yeah, us too.

CRANE: Yeah, I already did that.

[Po continues struggling with the finger trap.]

PO: Oh, you guys have done everything! You have action figures, you have trading cards, Tigress, they named a strain of rice after you, angry rice.

[Tigress glares at Po.]

PO: You even have fan clubs. I don't have any of that!

MANTIS: You have a fan club.

PO: Wha?!

MONKEY: Yeah, I saw them down by the Noodle Shop.

[Po stands up in excitement.]

PO: Oh, I gotta meet 'em! We could dress alike and figure out a secret handshake!

SHIFU: Not so fast, panda. There still remains the matter of the hero's dilemma.

PO: I'm a hero, so I should be able to do this!

[Po begins recklessly trying to remove the finger trap, shaking the table and knocking down bowls.]

TIGRESS: Careful!

MANTIS: Whoa! Whoa!

[In his struggle, Po slips back and falls through the wall. The Five glance at Shifu, who is covered in noodles. Po rolls and bounces down the steps from the Student Barracks.]

PO: Ow, must uh, see ow, fans ow!

[Po's bouncing eventually lands him in the Hall of Warriors. He knocks down several artifacts and cuts himself on the Sword of Heroes. He runs forward in pain and knocks down Master Flying Rhino's Armor.]

PO: Why are things hard?!

[Po stumbles into a stand, causing a jar to fly through the air.]

SHIFU: Po!

[Shifu catches the jar.]

SHIFU: Your carelessness almost released the deadly Mongolian Fist Demon.

PO: [Gasp.] That sounds awesome!

SHIFU: It is, in fact, the opposite of awesome. This demon nearly destroyed the valley centuries ago.

[Shifu hands Po the jar. Po places the jar back on the stand.]

PO: You should put some sort of huge fence with spikes around it so no idiot can come in and knock it ov-...

[Shifu glares at Po with a straight face.]

PO: O-oh, right. You asked me to do that earlier, didn't you?

[Shifu raises an eyebrow. Po continues struggling with the finger trap.]

SHIFU: Po, the reason this is called the hero's dilemma is it seems like brute strength should solve the problem, but...

[Po shrugs and does a gentle hand gesture, releasing his fingers from the trap.]

PO: You lost me.

[Po realizes his hands are free.]

PO: Whoa!

SHIFU: It is when you quit struggling, that you...

PO: I have a fan club! Bye!

[Po runs off, causing the jar to nearly fall. He quickly comes back and stops it.]

PO: Fence, right. Do it when I get back. Bye!

[Po runs off. Po arrives in the [[Po's Village|village.]

PO: Fan club! Fan club! Fan club! [Gasp.] My fan club!

[Po runs up to a building with a drawing of himself on it.]

PO: Wow.

[Po examines the drawing of a muscly Dragon Warrior.]

PO: They nailed it.

[Po knocks on the door.]

CHEN: Who dares approach the Dragon's Den?!

PO: Cool. It is I, the Dragon Warrior!

CHEN: Right, get lost, Chengu!

PO: It's not Chengu, it's really the Dragon Warrior!

CHEN: Don't make me come out there and punch you, loser!

PO: It's really me!

CHEN: Yeah? Then answer me this, what kind of broad axe did the Dragon Warrior use to release the log roll at Thunder Hill.

PO: Uh, it wasn't a broad axe, it was a two-handed Zhanmadao Sword of folded bronze, forged in the Shang Dynasty by Zhang Zu Jin-Li, the one-armed son of the wood chopper.

CHEN: Is that true?

YANG: I don't know, I could look it up.

LAM: Just open the door!

[Several locks are opened from the inside. The door opens, revealing three ecstatic children.]

YANG: Yeah, take that, those who mocked us. The Dragon Warrior's at our club house!

ALL THREE: Po is the dragon. He never will be beat. Po is the warrior. He's really good at what he... does.

LAM: I just tinkled a little!

CHEN: Really? Again!

PO: That chant is really awesome! I thought you were gonna rhyme "neat" with "massive pectorals," but your way's much more cool!

CHEN: Enter, oh, most revered Dragon Warrior, Kung Fu legend, puncher of evil.

[Po enters the club house in excitement.]

PO: Whoa!

[Po looks at the Dragon Warrior drawings and action figures.]

PO: Alright! Awesome!

LAM: I'm Lam.

CHEN: I'm Chen.

YANG: I'm Yang.

PO: Cool! Lam, Chen, Yang.

LAM: He said my name!

[Lam faints.]

PO: She just fainted because she's my fan! I have a fan!

[Po faints and get back up.]

PO: I'm too excited to stay passed out.

[Yang and Chen help Lam back up.]

CHEN: This is your club house. Is it what you imagined?

PO: No.

[The children gasp.]

PO: It's a hundred times more awesome!

[The children cheer. Po gasps and hits his head on the ceiling. Po walks up to a poorly-drawn painting.]

PO: This painting looks exactly like me!

[The children cheer.]

PO: Whoa!

[Po runs across the room, stepping on a Po doll. The children surround the doll with thrill. Lam grabs the doll and shrieks with excitement.]

PO: Cool thingies! My own action figure, with authentic burlap pants!

[The children scream with excitement.]

PO: What else have you got?!

[Po hits his head on the ceiling. Chen pulls up a floor board and takes out a case.]

CHEN: Legend has it that the great and mighty Dragon Warrior himself, once dropped a noodle on this brick.

[Chen opens the case, revealing a stone brick.]

LAM: We had the noodle, but I got excited and I ate it.

PO: Let me see that.

[Po takes the brick.]

CHEN: Technically it's a reproduction, but it's an official reproduction of a copy.

[Po licks the brick.]

PO: You can't tell. This looks just like the real brick I actually dropped a noodle on!

YANG: I knew it. I told you guys. It was worth the two-hundred Yuan.

PO: You guys hang on to that, it's gonna be worth a lot more some day.

LAM: That's so generous of you, Dragon Warrior!

PO: Eh, call me Po... the Dragon Warrior. I have a fan club! What do you guys wanna do first?!

[The brick is put away.]

YANG: Wash dishes!

[Chen and Lam glance at Yang in confusion.]

CHEN: Tell us the story of how you beat Tai Lung.

LAM: Yeah!

YANG: Yeah!

PO: It was a dark and stormy night. Then, the next night was cloudless and that's when I saw Tai Lung for the first time.

[The children become excited.]

CHEN: That's pretty awesome.

[Later, Po arrives in the Student Barracks.]

PO: Monkey! Monkey!

[Po walks into Monkey's room with a box. Monkey is meditating.]

PO: Monkey, you got anything cool that maybe I can show my fans down at the fan club?

[Monkey stops meditating.]

MONKEY: Sure, Po.

[Monkey picks up a small cup.]

MONKEY: How about this tea cup?

PO: Cool!

[Po opens the box and Monkey puts the cup inside. Monkey pulls a pair of nunchuks out of the box.]

MONKEY: Hey, are these Shifu's Ceremonial Nunchuks? You can't take those.

PO: Well he's not usin' 'em.

[Monkey pulls two bells out of the box.]

MONKEY: Or these Ancient Brass Fight Bells?

PO: Well, they're just like sitting there.

[Monkey pulls Mantis out of the box.]

MONKEY: Or Mantis?

MANTIS: Not cool, man.

[Po closes the box.]

PO: I'll just uh... Okay, bye.

[Po crashes through the wall and leaves.

Meanwhile, Po's fans are making drawings of Po in their club house. Po arrives, wearing a pair of novelty panda ears and carrying a box full of items.]

PO: Look what I got you guys!

LAM: Yeah!

[The three children run over to Po. Po takes a throwing star out of the box, raising his hand and getting the star stuck in the ceiling. Po hands the star to Yang.]

PO: It's my old throwing star!

YANG: It's slippery.

PO: I used it to butter my toast. You guys ready for the Dragon Warrior to take you on your exclusive Dragon Tour-ior?

CHILDREN: Yeah!

PO: Cool, I'll even tell you the Tai Lung story again, on the way.

[Po holds the door open as the children exit. Yang throws the throwing star. Po leads the children when they get outside.]

PO: Okay, wha'do we got? Oh!

[Po runs. The children follow Po in excitement. Po comes to a spot in front of the Noodle Shop.]

PO: Right here. This very spot, I waged battle against the mighty rhino Hundun! I was standing right here and he was like (Mocking Hundun) "You better not..."

CHEN: Do you think you might fight him here again?!

YANG: Yeah, do it!

LAM: Right now!

PO: (Nervously) Well, I can't 'cause he's, kind of, in jail.

[The children sigh with disappointment. Po remains nervous until he spots another point of interest.]

PO: O-o-oh! This is awesome! See that dent in the street?

[Po runs over to the dent.]

PO: My head made that after the Barbarian Horde threw me off a roof!

[The children scream with amazement. Po puts his head in the dent.]

PO: See? My head still fits!

CHEN: That's so cool! Make another dent!

YANG: Yeah, so it!

LAM: Right now!

PO: Heh, no, I can't just... hit my head.

CHEN: That's disappointing.

[Po finds another spot of interest. The children follow with excitement.]

PO: O-o-oh, over there! This is where I crushed the famous terracotta Warlords into powder!

CHEN: We wanna see that!

YANG: Yeah, do it!

LAM: Right now!

PO: Well, I-I can't. Th-they're powder.

CHEN: Fight something!

YANG: Yeah, fight that guy!

[Yang points to a duck merchant.]

CHILDREN: Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

[Po looks over to the duck, who runs away in fear.]

PO: I-I can't just start a fight with some poor guy.

[The kids become disappointed.]

LAM: Aw, that's a bummer.

[The kids walk away. Po follows them nervously.]

PO: I'll tell you the story again!

[The group arrives back at the club house.]

PO: And then he was like (Mocking Tai Lung) "You can't beat me, I'm Tai Lung." And then... And then, I said...

CHILDREN: (Without enthusiasm) "Skadoosh."

PO: Close, but the accent is on the "Skad" not the "oosh".

CHEN: Um, yeah, are you actually ever gonna do anything, like exciting Dragon Warrior stuff?

PO: Uh, yeah. I mean, I've got training, and I got laundry, and I got some stuff I gotta memorize.

YANG: No! Cool stuff, like... like fighting someone.

LAM: Yeah! Do that!

PO: Only, things have been kinda low-key lately.

LAM: Oh, maybe we should just... pack it in for today.

PO: Cool! Same time tomorrow?

CHEN: Uh, I think I'm busy tomorrow. Uh...

YANG: Uh, yeah, I um, I'm busy.

LAM: Uh, yeah, um, I'm gonna be busy with some... some... stuff and... things.

PO: Not a problem. Hey, the weekend it is. I'll see you guys bright and early.

[Po leaves.]

CHEN: (Halfheartedly) Sure.

YANG: (Halfheartedly) Sure.

LAM: (Halfheartedly) Sounds good.

[Po begins walking through the village when he stops.]

PO: Ha, I almost forgot my Dragon Warrior ears. Can't disappoint my fans. Heh, no.

[Po runs back to the club house. He stops outside the door.]

YANG: (Mockingly) Look, I'm Po, the Dragon Warrior, and I'm scared of ducks.

[The children laugh. Po looks in through the window.]

CHEN: What a lame hero, he never hits anything.

YANG: Yeah, I mean, even I would punch a duck.

[Lam begins laughing, but she stops and frowns. To Po's shock, Lam takes off her Dragon Warrior ears. Po backs away from the window.]

PO: Ow.

[End of Act 1]

Act 2

[Po sits on the stairs at the Jade Palace in a state of depression. Monkey arrives.]

MONKEY: Hey, Po, why the round face? [Laughs.] Get it? I was supposed to say "long face," but I...

PO: I lost my fan club!

MONKEY: What? How?

PO: Because I'm lame!

[Po punches the railing out of anger, hurting his hand.]

PO: Ow! Probably shouldn't have done that! Ugh, I stink as a hero. [Sighs.] Ever since I was a kid, I would read of the ancient art of Kung Fu, and dream about being like one of those heroes. Master Flying Rhino! Master Li Ling of the Thousand Fists.

MONKEY: A lot of those guys, mainly, just kept the peace, so...

PO: I don't care, my fan club hates me because I didn't hit anything all week!

MONKEY: I get it, your first fan club. You wanna show off. There's no bad guys to fight right now.

PO: Yeah, or people to save, or disasters to prevent, or a...

[Po stops talking and smirks.]

MONKEY: Po, are you getting one of those ideas that Shifu tells you to ignore?

PO: What? Pff, what? Pff, ridiculous... Yes.

[Po sneaks into his room in the barracks, holding the Mongolian Fist Demon Jar.]

PO: Hello, Mongolian Fist Demon Jar. Friendly, harmless, demon jar. How 'bout I let you out and we fight a little bit? You know, no big deal. What if you got fangs? You could have fangs. I could do a looksy. Real quick, just to do a fang-check. Right?

[Po prepares to open the jar, but he stops.]

PO: Nah!

[Po places the jar on a table.]

PO: But, okay.

[Po picks up the jar.]

PO: Pro: I need to fight something.

[Po places the jar back on the table.]

PO: Con: Incredibly dangerous and could wreck the valley.

[Po picks up the jar.]

PO: Pro: I... wanna? Err, how bad could it be?

[A 2-D animated sequence begins. Villagers run from a giant cloud-shaped demon. The demon consumes a villager.]

VILLAGER: It's a demon!

[Another villager is consumed.]

VILLAGER: It's a demon!

[The demon takes a bite out of the land. Tentacles reach down from the demon.]

LAM: Help us, Po!

[A golden ray of light slices the tentacles off of the demon.]

YANG: The Dragon Warrior!

[Just then, an extremely brawny Po arrives to save the villagers.]

PO: Looks like someone needs to learn some table manners!

[Po defeats the demon and save a group of villagers from its remaining tentacles. The demon explodes as Po stands in a heroic position, flexing his pectorals. The crowd of villagers cheers.]

VILLAGER: You saved us!

[The demon reawakens and grabs Po with its tentacles, consuming him. End of 2-D animation.]

PO: Con! Con wins!

[Po means to firmly place the far on the table, but he places it on the corner and it falls, shattering. A dark smoke spills out of the broken jar.]

PO: [Gasps.] Oh no! Oh no, go back in! Go back in! No!

[The smoke settles, revealing a small blue demon with one oversized fist.]

PO: You're tiny.

[The demon stands up.]

PO: And cute!

[Po tries to catch the demon, but it dodges him. The demon throws a wok at Po.]

PO: H-H-Hey, that's my stuff!

[The demon throws a wooden bowl at Po. The demon jumps on a table, knocking down Po's action figures and hitting the table repeatedly.]

PO: Bad demon! Shoo! Shoo!

[Po picks up a stick and tries to hit the demon off of his stuff. The demon breaks a glass jar and jumps on Po.]

PO: Shoo!

[The demon breaks several more items and jumps through the wall and out of the room.]

PO: Oh no!

[The demon leaves the barracks.]

PO: Maybe that wasn't the best idea.

[The demon makes its way into the village. The demon jumps on an apple cart and starts eating the apples.]

APPLE CART DUCK: Hey, get outta here!

[The duck hits the demon off of the cart. The demon lands under a pot. A red light quickly shines on the demon and it grows slightly larger in size. The demon runs through the village, blinded by the pot. The demon stumbles over to a sweeping pig lady. The pigs screams and begins hitting the demon with the broom. Po's fans peek out of their clubhouse to catch a glimpse of the commotion. The pig lady jumps on the pot and then, bat the demon away, into a nearby well. The children become curious and approach the well. The pot flies out of the well. The children get closer. The now large Mongolian Fist Demon jumps out of the well and lets out a loud roar, terrifying the children.]

[End of Act 2]

Act 3

[The giant Mongolian Fist Demon picks up Chen and put him in his mouth. The Furious Five run toward the demon and beat it up until it lets go of Chen. Monkey brings the children to safety.]

MONKEY: You're safe, now.

[The demon grows significantly larger. Po searches for the demon in another part of the village, using dumplings as bait.]

PO: Here, demon, demon, demon. Here Mongolian Fist Demony-wemony.

[Po eats a dumpling.]

PO: Come out demon, I have a dumpling for you.

[Po eats another dumpling.]

PO: (With his mouth full) I have a dumpling for you.

[Po eat another dumpling.]

PO: I have a...

[Po realizes he's out of dumplings.]

PO: Just come out!

[A loud roar is heard.]

PO: Oh, that's not good!

[Monkey falls through the air and lands in front of Po.]

PO: Oh no! Monkey!

[Monkey moans in pain. Po runs over toward the roaring and sees the giant demon.]

PO: Whoa! How'd he get so huge?!

[The demon grabs Tigress and throws her. Crane gets snatched out of the air by the demon. Tigress tries to get up, but cannot. The demon destroys a cart and starts terrorizing the villagers.]

VILLAGER 1: Oh, it's a demon!

VILLAGER 2: A demon!

PO: Whoa!

[The demon corners Po's fans. Po grabs them and takes them to safety.]

CHILDREN: Cool!

PO: You guys, wait here. Watch close, you'll see some hitting.

CHEN: Go get him!

YANG: Yeah, do it!

LAM: Right now!

PO: Anything for my fans. Now, let's find out what you got, demon, huh. What you got?!

[Po takes a stance. The demon hits the ground, making a red shockwave. Po and the demon charge at each other. Po gets under the demon and punches it away. The demon lies still.]

PO: Woo! Extra point!

[The children cheer for Po.]

PO: (Chanting) Po is the dragon! He will never be beat! Po is the warrior...

[The demon stands in front of Po and grows to a larger size. Po rubs his eyes.]

PO: Did you just get bigger, or did my eyes just get smaller?

LAM: Hit him, Dragon Warrior!

CHEN: Pound him, Kung Fu legend, puncher of evil!

[The demon throws a cart at Po. Po kicks the cart, destroying it. Po kicks the demon.]

PO: Yeah! How do you like that hitting?!

CHILDREN: Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

[Po watches with helplessness as the demon grows even larger.]

PO: I don't like this... getting bigger thingy.

CHILDREN: Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

[Po looks at his hands.]

PO: Wait a minute, if hitting it makes it bigger, then not hitting it... Bring it demon!

[Po avoids the demon's swipes. After several misses, the demon slightly shrinks.]

PO: That's it! Tell me you've got more than that.

[Po runs away from the demon as it shrinks more. The children watch with confusion.]

CHEN: Why are you running from him, Dragon Warrior?

PO: I'm not running away! See how I'm awesomely... avoiding conflict?

[The children scowl Po.]

YANG: What a ripoff, he's scared of him.

PO: No, I'm not scared of him!

[Po dodges the demon's attacks. The demon is now half of its giant size, but it is still able to pick up Po.]

PO: No!

[The demon slams Po into a wall.]

YANG: Boo!

CHEN: He never hits anything!

YANG: Use your fist! Use it for punching, puncher of evil!

PO: Okay, I will!

[Po gets out of the demon's grasp and gets to a safe enough distance to take a stance.]

CHILDREN: Hit! Hit! Hit! Hit! Hit! Hit...

[Po prepares to hit the demon as it approaches him, but he stops.]

PO: No.

[Po lets his guard down and gets hit by the demon. Po skids across the ground and glances over to his fans.]

YANG: Boo! Get off the stage!

CHEN: C'mon, let's go.

[Yang and Chen walk away. Lam remains there for a while, but she too walks away. Po gets up once his fans leave.]

PO: I may've lost my fans, but I'm not losing to you.

[Po continues dodging the attacks of the demon. Eventually it is small enough for him to stop with his finger. The Five stand up.]

PO: Guys, a little help trapping him? I need a demon jar.

[Tigress and Crane pass glances with confusion.]

PO: Uh, is that a thing? Do we have those lying around?

SHIFU: No.

[Shifu arrives with the broken demon jar now taped up.]

SHIFU: Fortunately, they can be repaired fairly easily.

[Shifu opens the jar.]

SHIFU: Now, panda.

[Po releases the demon and it runs into the open jar. The jar is closed. Po laughs nervously.]

SHIFU: That was an awful lot of trouble just to impress your fans. I hope it was worth it.

[Over in the clubhouse, Yang, Chen, and Lam begin disposing of the many Dragon Warrior drawings. A knock is heard at the door.]

CHEN: Whoever enters the Dragon's... Aw, forget it.

[Po walks in and the children begin scowling.]

PO: Hey.

[The children ignore Po.]

PO: Look, out there...

CHEN: Why didn't you fight him?!

LAM: Aw, you barely hit him at all!

YANG: You let him beat you!

[Po reveals the demon jar.]

PO: Oh, did I?

CHILDREN: Whoa!

PO: The Mongolian Fist Demon.

CHILDREN: Cool!

[Lam faints.]

YANG: You beat it?! Incredible! How?! You didn't even hit it!

PO: Being a hero is not all about hitting. Maybe... ten percent. And it's ninety percent about not getting hit. [Burps.] And about five percent gas.

YANG: Can we keep this?!

CHEN: The Mongolian Fist Demon is one thing, but as defeated by the Dragon Warrior, whoa!

YANG: Yeah, it'd be like the center piece of our Dragon Warrior fan club!

PO: Oh, you have a fan club?

[The children pass glances.]

YANG: Yeah, we're sorry for doubting you, Po. Guess we didn't know what it takes to be so bodaciously awesome!

PO: That's alright, and, in the coming weeks, I'll show you a few more Kung Fu skills.

[Po lays the jar on a table.]

CHILDREN: Yeah!

PO: Strength!

[Po takes a stance.]

PO: Stamina!

[Po takes a stance.]

PO: And control!

[Po takes a stance, but he accidentally kicks the demon jar and knocks it down. The demon runs around in the clubhouse, breaking things and frightening the children.]

PO: Bad demon! No! Bad boy! No!

[End of Act 3]

[End of Transcript]

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