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Written here is the full transcript of the episode "Monkey in the Middle" from the Nickelodeon television series Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness. This transcript has been separated into three segments, indicated accordingly to the episode's commercial breaks.
Character dialogue lines were originally written by the episode's screenwriter, Gene Grillo. Descriptions shown between italicized brackets were written by contributors of this article.
[The episode opens up with Po and Monkey preparing to spar in the Training Hall Courtyard. They take stances and then begin sparring. Po halts Monkey's attacks by grabbing his fists.]
PO: Monk, old buddy, you picked the wrong sparring partner.
[Monkey kicks Po, becoming freed from Po's grasp.]
MONKEY: I know, but the practice dummy's in the shop [laughs].
PO: [Laughing] Hy-sterical, my furry friend. But, none of your tricky monkey trick trickery. We're gonna do this.
[Po takes a stance and prepares to fight. Monkey looks behind Po.]
[Po lets down his guard.]
MONKEY: Giant rice ball!
[Po turns around. Monkey attacks Po and gives him a wedgie.]
PO: Blazing butt chop! Nice move!
MONKEY: [Laughs] You fall for it every time! Now, I'm gonna take you down!
PO: Yeah?! You and what army?
[ Mr. Ping and a crowd of angry villagers busts into the courtyard.]
PO: Whoa! You have an army. Cool!
MR. PING: Hello, son.
PO: Wait, Dad?
MR. PING: Is Shifu at home? The angry mob and I must speak to him at once.
[Shifu and the rest of the Furious Five come out of the Training Hall.]
SHIFU: Mr. Ping.
MR. PING: Oh, thank goodness, Shifu. You have got to do something. The Valley of Peace has been swept by a crime wave.
SHIFU: Po, please, this is serious.
PO: Sorry, I meant, awesome bad!
MR. PING: It is awesome bad, Po. The thief even stole my emergency noodle fund. What if there's an emergency and I needed money for noodles? I would have no fund.
[The mob yells. Monkey starts worrying. Mr. Ping holds up a crude drawing of himself laughing maniacally.]
MR. PING: And worse, he leaves childish pranks at the scene of each crime, just to taunt his victims.
PO: Monkey, what's wrong?
MONKEY: Oh, nothing, just uh... Whoa... [Laughs nervously]
PO: Hold on, Master Shifu. I know what you're thinking. "Po's keen powers of observation make him awesome at figuring out crime clues and stuff of that ilk."
SHIFU: I wasn't thinking any such thing.
PO: Yes, I do. Okay, let me lay it down for you. Tigress, you'll be my plucky assistant. Naturally, the Monk Man will be my partner, like in those buddy-warrior operas. One warrior goes the book, the other makes his own rules. (Whispers to Monkey) Dibs on the "make his own rules" guy.
MONKEY: Uh, sorry, Po, but I have, uh, other plans. [Laughs] So I'll just be going now, bye!
[Monkey runs into the Training Hall.]
MANTIS: That was weird.
PO: I know. Monkey loves playing buddy warrior.
SHIFU: Be that as it may, Mantis, Tigress, you'll accompany Po.
PO: Uh huh, you won't regret this Master Shifu. I'll be the best sleuthy, figure-it-out guy the Jade Palace has ever seen.
[Po runs out of the courtyard. Po comes back.]
PO: Oh, do we have like a shiny badge?
PO: On it.
[Po leaves and comes back.]
PO: Maybe some kind of certificate or official stick?
[Po leaves and come back.]
[The scene changes to Po on patrol in the Noodle Shop, wearing a wooden badge and holding a bamboo stick. He is accompanied by Tigress and Mantis.]
PO: Alright, Dad, just stay calm.
[Mr. Ping stares blankly at Po.]
PO: Good. Plucky assistant, you take notes. Substitute buddy warrior, get ready to hold me back when I go berserk.
[Po does a demonstration of an attack.]
MANTIS: I have no idea what you're talking about.
TIGRESS: Mr. Ping, how did the thief get in?
MR. PING: Well, I guard my noodle fund very carefully. He broke in through that locked window.
[Mr. Ping points to an open window on the wall.]
MR. PING: And then got passed these booby traps, and went straight for my secret noodle fund jar.
MANTIS: Wow, he didn't spring any of them?!
[Po walks away.]
TIGRESS: [Laughs] Traps are easy to avoid as long as you...
[Po yelps as he sets off several traps that clip to his body in several places.]
PO: Just getting, uh, inside the head of the...
[Tigress, Mr. Ping, and Mantis stare blankly at Po.]
PO: I'm listening, continue.
[Mantis jumps into the window sill and picks up a yellowish object.]
MANTIS: Hey, check this out.
TIGRESS: A patch of fur. It must've come off as he was making his escape.
[Po jumps in front of Tigress and takes the fur.]
PO: Hold on! I know what to do. It's as plain as the throbbing vein on Tigress's forehead.
[Po starts examining the fur by smelling it and licking it, grossing out the others.]
MANTIS: Can't un-see that.
MR. PING: Uh, son, we're wasting our time. The thief has robbed every merchant on this street except for Wang. Uh, the grocer.
MANTIS: Ooh, maybe that's his next target
PO: Sweet deduction substitute buddy warrior.
[Po holds out his fist at Mantis for a fist pump. Mantis fist pumps Po without enthusiasm.]
TIGRESS: Let's hide out across the street and wait for the thief to show.
PO: Yes, a steak out. Love it. I call first watch. Nothing gets past the master of alertness.
[The scene changes to Po sleeping while the three are on their steak out later that night. Po starts talking in his sleep.]
PO: No! Not without my pants.
[Tigress starts getting angry.]
PO: Pants! Come back!
[Po grabs Tigress.]
[Tigress pushes Po away. Po wakes up, falling over Mantis.]
PO: Don't look at me!
[Mantis crawls out from under Po.]
MANTIS: The no pants dream again?
[Po looks nervous.]
PO: No, why would you think that.
TIGRESS: [Sighs] Why don't you go splash water on your face, we have a long night ahead of us.
PO: Good thinking, plucky assistant. That's what you bring to the party; brains. Be right back refreshed and ready for action.
[Po walks away. In another part of the village, Po sticks his head in a bucket of water and puts some water under one of his armpits. As he looks at his reflection in the water, he sees someone jump overhead.]
[Po sneaks around a corner. A shuffling sound is heard nearby.]
[Po goes around a corner.]
PO: Halt, in the name of this semiofficial certificate and stick.
[Several coins fly at Po. Po continues searching. Someone runs by in the distance. Moments later, a monkey wearing a ninja outfit attacks Po. Po is unable to fight with the quick monkey and is attacked for several moments until he is knocked down. Po gets back up, only for the monkey to give him a wedgie.]
PO: Blazing Butt Chop!
[Po falls down.]
PO: Wait, that's Monkey's move.
[The monkey goes up on a roof and look down a Po.]
PO: Monkey? Monkey?
[The monkey knocks down a stack of barrels, crushing Po.]
[End of Act 1]
[The act opens up with Po thinking to himself.]
PO: This can't be happening. Monkey is the thief?
VOICE: Or is he?
PO: Wha... Pants?
[Po looks up to see his pants slowly descending towards him.]
PANTS: Search your feelings, Po. You know Monkey better then anyone. He's no thief.
PO: Yeah, you're right, but, sure looked like Monkey.
PANTS: Who are you going to believe, your eyes or your talking pants?
PO: Uh... well... is, uh, this a trick question?
PANTS: Goodbye, Po.
[Po's pants fly away.]
PO: Pants, wait! Hey, if you're up there then I must... [Screams and covers himself]
[Po wakes up in the village. He is relieved when he sees that he is wearing pants.]
PO: It can't be Monkey. I gotta get the evidence to prove it's not him.
[Po, Tigress, and Mantis meet up with Shifu in the Training Hall.]
PO: ...then, after craftily collecting clues, we went on a stakeout! I remained alert, while Tigress and Mantis caught some Zs.
[Tigress crosses her arms.]
SHIFU: So, you saw nothing last night?
SHIFU: Nothing at all?
PO: (Nervously) Nope. Nada. No. Uh, and I certainly didn't see anyone we all know personally. I mean... [Laughs nervously.] Nothing.
TIGRESS: The only clue we found was this patch of fur.
[Tigress holds up the patch of fur that they found at the Noodle Shop.]
SHIFU: Hmm... This is very ape-like fur.
[Po snatches the fur away.]
PO: Ape fur?! [Laughs obnoxiously.] That's ridiculous. Apes don't have fur.
TIGRESS: I'm pretty sure that they do.
MANTIS: Well, the only ape...
[Po grabs Mantis.]
PO: Uh, we're wasting time. C'mon everyone, let's... get some sleep.
[Mantis frees himself from Po's grasp.]
PO: Am I right? Yeah!
MANTIS: Dude, you could not be any weirder.
[Po slowly backs out of the Training Hall.]
[Later that night, Po sneaks through the Student Barracks. He stops in front of a room and pulls out a pair of scissors.]
PO: Sleep, little Monkey. Sleep like the wind.
[Po walks into the room.]
PO: Ugh, dark in here.
[Po walks out with a patch of fur. He licks the fur.]
PO: Ha! These fur samples are completely different! This'll prove the thieves fur sample doesn't match Monkey's!
[Tigress opens the door to the room where Po snuck in.]
[Tigress slams the door on Po's foot, causing him to yell out in pain.]
[Monkey comes out of a room near Po.]
MONKEY: (Nervously) Oh, hey, Po. So, what're you doing up so late?
PO: Uh, nothing, just went for a drink of water and now I'm going back to my room.
MONKEY: Ah, me too.
[There is a long pause as Po and Monkey stare at each other, waiting for the other to speak.]
PO: Okay, well, uh, I'll see you in the morning. I'm going back to my room now. You can go out and rob [Laughs] I mean... I mean, uh, you can get a drink or whatever it is you're gonna do.
[Po starts slowly backing down the hallway.]
PO: I'm not watching you or anything. No. It's like I... like I said, I'm just going back to my room, okay, good night
[Po goes around the corner. Monkey walks away. Po goes into Monkey's room. After searching around, he finds a patch of fur on the floor. He tastes the fur.]
PO: It's a match.
[Crane wakes up in the next room.]
CRANE: Po, is that you?
PO: Uh, no, I mean... Uh, yes. I thought this was my room. I-Isn't this my room? I... [He glances down at a map on the floor] what happened? I-I'm not looking for anything, I-I'm just going to my...
' '[Po picks up the map.]
PO: The Grain Mill. Hmm...
CRANE: Po, what're you doing in there?
PO: No, uh, nothing... Nothing, I was looking for an extra pillow, but, uh, Monkey said it was... uh... I'm just going to go back to my room now... [Laughs] 'kay. It's like I said, everybody, I'm just going back to my room.
ALL: Good night Po!
[The next day, a mob of villagers storms into the Training Hall Courtyard.]
MR. PING: Uh, Shifu! Shifu!
[Po, Shifu, and the Furious Five come out of the Training Hall.]
SHIFU: Mr. Ping, please calm down.
MR. PING: We know who the thief is!
MONKEY: You do?
MR. PING: I dusted my shop with noodle powder, and [pulls out a curtain with elongated hand prints on it] found these fingerprints on the curtains. They clearly belong to a long-tailed, knuckle-walking, monkey.
[The Five gasp, excluding Monkey, who becomes worried.]
SHIFU: Mr. Ping, are you sure?
MR. PING: [Laughs] Noodle powder doesn't lie.
[The angry mob runs up the stairs toward Monkey.]
PO: Dad, mob, wait!
[The mob stops.]
PO: I know it looks bad, real bad, but Monkey...
MONKEY: Uh, Po...
PO: Just a second, Monkey. fine, his fingerprints were at the scene, and so was his fur, and yeah, he had a suspicious map of all the robbed stores...
PO: And sure, the thief I saw last night had a long tail and moved like a monkey
TIGRESS: You saw the thief last night?
SHIFU: You didn't say anything
PO: Didn't I? Uh, [laughs nervously] must've slipped my uh... But, listen, everyone! I know this Monkey and no matter what the "irrefutable evidence" may show, he's a great master, a warrior of integrity, and the best friend I've got. And he's no thief. Right, Monkey? Tell 'em the truth.
MONKEY: I am the thief.
[The mob gasps. Po does not realize what Monkey says.]
PO: Tell 'em, Monkey!
MONKEY: I am the thief.
[Po starts to realize what monkey is saying.]
PO: But, tell 'em the other... thing... Wait, you... Monkey... No.
MOB: Get him! Get the Monkey!
[The mob rushes towards Monkey with weapons. Monkey knocks Po into the crowd and runs away, using a metal shield to slide down the stairs. The mob follows Monkey.]
MR. PING:You protected someone whom you knew robbed your own father? For shame, Po! For shame!
[Mr. Ping follows the mob.]
SHIFU: This is a grievous day for our temple. We must pursue Monkey at once.
PO: Wait, look, I know you don't have any reason to trust me.
MANTIS: You got that right.
PO: Yeah. It's just that, I think I know where he's headed. Let me go alone, he'll listen to me. I can fix this, please, please, please!
SHIFU: Very well, Po.
TIGRESS: But, Master...
[Shifu gestures for Tigress to stop.]
SHIFU: I hope Monkey listens to you, because, if he doesn't, we'll be coming for both of you.
[Later that night, Po walks into the Grain Mill to confront Monkey. Monkey is wearing a ninja outfit that covers his face. Po sneaks behind Monkey as he counts coins.]
[Monkey throws the bag if coins at Po and gets into a fighting position.]
PO: Monkey, listen, I don't know why you're doing this, but I won't let you throw away our friendship.
[The two begin fighting. Eventually, Po is able to pin Monkey down.]
PO: Don't make me do this Monkey, for the last time come back with...
[Po pulls off Monkey's mask, revealing the thief to not be Monkey.]
WU KONG: What're you looking at?
PO: You're not Monkey. Who are you?
[Po holds up his fist.]
PO: Tell me, who are you?!
[Monkey approaches Po.]
MONKEY: He's my brother.
PO: Your brother! Ha, I knew it wasn't...
[Monkey nerve pinches Po, knocking him down.]
WU KONG: [Laughs] Nighty night, panda.
[Wu Kong stomps on Po's face, knocking him out.]
[End of Act 2]
[The scene opens up with Po shackled to a wall in the Grain Mill. Monkey approaches Po.]
PO: Monkey! Ah, I knew you weren't the thief. Yes! This is so awesome, and hey, wait a minute, you nerve pinched me! What's going on?
[Wu Kong swings down in front of Po.]
WU KONG: Oh, lame-o's awake, huh? [Gets in Po's face.] Not so tough now, are ya'?
[Po headbutts Wu Kong. Monkey catches Wu Kong as he falls back.]
WU KONG: Okay... still kinda tough.
PO: Ugh, Monkey, help me get these chains off.
MONKEY: I can't Po, not yet. I'll free you as soon as he leaves, which will be happening now!
[Monkey pushes Wu Kong.]
WU KONG: [Laughs] Wu Kong, King of Thieves, answers to no one. Especially not his fancy pants snob of a kid brother.
MONKEY: King of Thieves?! Ha!
PO: Uh, fellas, can we kinda bring it back to uh...
[Monkey and Wu Kong focus their attention on Po.]
PO: Yeah, better. [Clears throat] Monkey, I know he's your brother, but c'mon, why are you protecting this chump?!
[A village is shown in a 2-D animated sequence. A fruit is hung in front of Monkey's mother via a rope.]
MONKEY (Voice Over): Long before I was in the Furious Five, my brother and I were both trouble makers.
[The fruit is snatched away. On a nearby roof top, are a young Monkey and Wu Kong, revealed to be the pranksters.]
MONKEY (V.O.): But where I was happy merely playing pranks, he went deeper into a life of crime.
[Wu Kong's expression grows darker. Wu Kong begins stealing items from unsuspecting villagers. He steals a bag of money from a pig, a cane from an old goat, and a lollipop from a bunny. Wu Kong is then locked behind bars with his stolen items.]
MONKEY (V.O.): He was imprisoned and shamed our family.
[Monkey hugs his mother as Wu Kong is taken away. The two are scowled upon by other villagers.]
MONKEY (V.O.): Then, he escaped and continued his criminal ways while I was training at the Jade Palace.
[Wu Kong sneaks into his mother's room while she sleeps. Wu Kong starts stealing from a chest when Monkey arrives.]
MONKEY (V.O.): We had chosen different paths.
[Monkey and Wu Kong begin fighting. Their mother begins waking up and sees the fight. Monkey scratches Wu Kong across the mouth.]
MONKEY (V.O.): The battle between us broke our mother's heart.
[Their mother cover her mouth in horror before collapsing on the floor. Wu Kong runs away.]
MONKEY (V.O.): But still, Wu Kong was her first born, and she loved him dearly.
[Monkey sits near his mother. Monkey sits near his mother's grave.]
MONKEY (V.O.): She made me swear to protect the family.
[Monkey places a flower on the grave and sheds a single tear. End of 2-D animated sequence.]
MONKEY: I'll go to prison for him before I break my promise to my mother!
WU KONG: That's my brother. He may be a sap, but I can always count on his protection.
PO: Ugh, you stink, Wu Kong, now the entire village is hunting Monkey! His name is mud around here now.
WU KONG: Well, Mud, you need a fresh start. You can come be my bodyguard.
MONKEY: [Sighs] It's not like I can stay around here anymore.
PO:You can and you will!
[Po breaks the shackles, setting himself free.]
WU KONG: Uh-oh.
PO: You're goin' down, Wu Kong!
[Po swings the shackles over his head and throws the chain at Wu Kong. Monkey blocks the chain with a stick.]
PO: Monkey, we have to turn Wu Kong in, it's the only way to clear your name.
MONKEY: I made a vow to my mother!
PO: And you made a vow to Shifu, the Furious Five, me, the Jade Palace, the Valley of Peace, and yourself to do what's right.
[Po uses the chain to take the stick from Monkey. Monkey lunges toward Po, kicking him in the chest.]
WU KONG: Fancy boy fight!
[Po and Monkey continue fighting until Po takes the high ground on a part of the mill.]
PO: I never stopped believing in you, Monkey, and I'm not stopping now!
[Wu Kong laughs as he pulls a lever that activates the mill. Po and Monkey continue fighting. Po throws Monkey onto a rotating platform
The mob of villagers approaches outside.]
MR. PING: Look, someone's up at the mill. C'mon.
[The group approaches the mill.
Po and Monkey continue fighting, with Po grabbing and pinning Monkey into a column.]
PO: Monkey, don't make me...
[Po is suddenly stopped when he is hit with a hammer by Wu Kong.]
WU KONG: Who's a chump now, chump?! [Laughs]
WU KONG: Don't worry, I'd never let my little brother take the blame for me... We'll frame the panda instead!
[Wu Kong tosses a bag of coins onto Po.
The angry mob arrives at the mill. Wu Kong peeks out of a window at the mob. Wu Kong swings down to Monkey.]
WU KONG: C'mon, Bro, let's blow.
[Wu Kong starts leaving. Monkey glances at the knocked out Po. Wu Kong opens a door on the floor, but Monkey quickly closes it.]
WU KONG: Hey!
MONKEY: I can't let you do this to my friend.
WU KONG: Yeah, right. (Sarcastically) You won't fight me, you're the good one, (normal) and I'm the only family you have.
MONKEY: Wrong, Wu Kong. Po's my family too.
WU KONG: How noble, (obnoxiously) and BORING! Let's make this more interesting.
[Monkey kicks Wu Kong into a stack of barrels. Wu Kong puts Po into a conveyor belt.]
[The conveyor belt lead to a crushing mechanism. Monkey starts running up the conveyor belt, but he is stopped by Wu Kong. Monkey kicks Wu Kong and proceeds to catch up to Po. Wu Kong swings down and keeps fighting Monkey. Monkey grabs Po with his tail and brings hi. To the base of the conveyor belt. Wu Kong attacks Monkey and quickly pits Po back on the conveyor belt. Monkey and Wu Kong begin fighting on a wheel. As they reach the top of the wheels start fighting on the upper level of the mill.
The angry mob rams a log into the door of the mill.
Po continues going up the conveyor belt, nearing the edge.
Monkey and Wu Kong fight as they hang by their tales. Wu Kong kicks Monkey and the two swing along the upper support beams of the mill. Wu Kong kicks Monkey down and lands near him.]
WU KONG: You could never beat me. I always had the moves on you.
MONKEY: I've been practicing a little since then.
[Wu Kong grabs a chain and starts swinging it. Wu Kong wraps the chain around Monkey's foot and pulls him closer. Monkey kicks Wu Kong off of the platform. Wu Kong screams as he falls toward the crushing area along with Po. Monkey screams in horror and quickly dives down to knock the two away from the crushing area. As Monkey lands, the chain gets caught in the crushing mechanism and starts pulling him in. The upper part of the chain is reeled around a wheel, which causes Monkey to be strung up of over the crushing area. Po wakes up.]
[Po goes to help Monkey. Wu Kong starts sneaking away. Monkey tries to pull off the chain as Po tries to pull the chain out of the crusher. As Wu Kong approaches a window, he looks back at Monkey and Po. The wheels supporting the chain snaps and Monkey falls towards the crusher, but he is quickly saved by Wu Kong, however the chain is still trying to pull Monkey in.]
WU KONG: Hold on, Bro!
[As soon as Wu Kong is about to slip and fall into the crusher with Monkey, Po shoves a large wooden beam into the crusher, breaking the entire mill in the process.
The angry mob runs away as the building starts falling apart.
Po runs with Monkey and Wu Kong.
Outside, Monkey awakens in Wu Kong's arms.]
WU KONG: Monkey, I'm... I'm sorry. You could've been... Oh, I stink as a brother!
PO: Yeah, you do. [sighs] But you did stay to save Monkey. [Helps Monkey up] There you go, pal.
MONKEY: Thanks, Brother.
MR. PING: I see him, there he is!
[The mob runs towards Monkey, but Wu Kong steps between them.]
WU KONG: Stop! He's not the thief, I am.
[The mob gasps.]
PO: Dad, Mob, put down your weapons. Wu Kong is ready to take full responsibility for what he did.
WU KONG: That's right, for my brother. There's only one thing I'd like to say in my defense.
PO: What's that?
WU KONG: Is that a giant rice ball?
[Wu Kong wedgies Po and pushes Monkey away. He then pushes Po into the crowd and begins escaping.]
MONKEY: Wu Kong!
[Wu Kong runs to the top of a nearby hill.]
WU KONG: That's Wu Kong King of Thieves! So long losers!
[Wu Kong escapes.]
PO: (weakly) Blazing Butt Chop, I fall for it every time.
[The scene changes to Po and Monkey painting the mill. Shifu and the rest of the Five approach.]
MANTIS: How's the cleanup going? [Laughs]
[Po and Monkey turn around.]
MONKEY: Fine, I'd say it's worth it.
PO: No it's not. I smell all paint-y, my fur's sticky.
SHIFU: Nevertheless, I'm proud of you both. You stopped the crime wave, and you're right actions may help Wu Kong truly reform one day.
: Yeah, well I just hope I never see another crazy, thieving, practical joke-playing, monkey again.
MONKEY: Po! Rice ball!
[A rice ball hangs near Po.]
PO: Look, I'm not falling for that aga-...
[Po grabs the rice ball.]
PO: W-hoa, well, what d'ya know, Monkey!
[When Po pulls the rice ball, it causes a bucket of paint to fall on him.]
PO: Nice one, Bro.
Wu Kong looks at the Valley from atop Peach Tree Hill.]
[End of Act 3]
[End of Transcript]