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Written here is the full transcript of the episode "Kung Shoes" from the Nickelodeon television series Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness. This transcript has been separated into three segments, indicated accordingly to the episode's commercial breaks.
Character dialogue lines were originally written by the episode's screenwriter, Doug Langdale. Descriptions shown between italicized brackets were written by contributors of this article.
[The episode begins with Po in the middle of the Gauntlet of Wooden Warriors in the Training Hall. After being hit by one of the wooden warriors, he is sent flying into the air and lands on the spinning serpent logs. A bored Shifu is seen resting his chin on his staff as he watches Po fall from the spinning serpent logs. The scene then cuts to Po doing pushups as Shifu stands on his back. Unable to do even a few of them, he falls flat on the floor.]
Po: Well… [panting] good workout.
Shifu: That was the warmup.
Po: [eyes widen] Warm?
[The scene cuts to Po sparring with Monkey, Viper, and Mantis in that order. He quickly loses against all three. He then crawls towards Shifu and falls flat before him panting.]
Po: Master Shifu? How much longer do I… [panting] have to train?
Shifu: [calmly walks away] We’re done for today.
Po: No no. I mean… how much longer? Like six months? A year?
Shifu: [turns around] If you don’t train, you will never reach the next level.
Po: There’s a level higher than the Dragon Warrior?!
Shifu: Yes. The Celestial Phoenix.
Shifu: [resumes walking away] It is said that the Celestial Phoenix will be so attuned to the universe that they can defeat an opponent... merely by looking at them!
Po: [dances in excitement] Awesooome. [stands behind Shifu] So, how do I get to be the Celestial Phoenix? [Shifu smiles in smugness.] How?!
Shifu: [turns around in excitement] By training! [Po frowns in disappointment.] You must train until you can pass… the Test of the Three Needles. [Po lifts both his eyebrows in curiosity. The scene cuts to 2D-animation, showing each detail of the test as Shifu mentions them.] You toss three needles into the air, then kick them with such precision…
Shifu: … that one needle passes through the eye of another and strikes the third needle so precisely on its point that it splits down the middle.
[The scene cuts back to 3D-animation, with the camera zooming out of Po’s eyes to show his face in amazement.]
Po: Whoa. [Shifu raises an eyebrow in confusion towards Po.] I’m gonna be able to do that someday?!
Shifu: Of course not. [Po frowns in disappointment.] There’s never been a Celestial Phoenix and there never will be. That’s the point. No one can ever achieve this impossible goal, which means your training… never ends. [walks away smiling]
Shifu: [looks back] Never.
Po: Uhh, but just to be clear. If I pass that three needles test, I wouldn’t have to train anymore, right?
Shifu: Yes. In theory. [walks towards Po] But trust me, it’s impossible.
[As Po smirks at Shifu’s comment, the scene cuts to Po holding three needles and Mantis watching him from the top of the Adversary.]
Po: Alright, you watch the needles and tell me if I come close. Ok?
Mantis: [chuckles] Ok.
Po: [tosses three needles into the air, sound of needles hitting the floor appears seconds later] I don’t see where… [steps on a needle, jumps around in pain, and falls down]
Mantis: Good first try though. [chuckles]
Po: [tosses the needles into the air again, walks for a few seconds, yells in pain after a needle lands on his nose] My head! [The scene cuts multiple times to show Po tossing the needles and yelling as the needles land in a different part of his body after every failure.] Maybe it really is impossible.
Mantis: Yeah, you’d need some magic for that. [covers his mouth]
Po: [plucks the last needle from his head and looks at Mantis] Magician. That’s it! I’ll go to the Moshu Market, where they sell all the magic stuff!
Mantis: Oh yeah, that’s a good— [pushes Po’s cheeks together] Are you crazy?
Mantis: [shakes Po’s head left and right] They sell black magic stuff, man! [Po frowns in sadness.] It’s way too dangerous.
Po: [smiles in deceit] Yes… it is much too dangerous and that is why I’m totally not going to go there. At all.
[The scene cuts to Po at the entrance of the Moshu Market. He walks straight past many stalls until he sees a pig lady sitting near her stall at the end of the path.]
Po: [tiptoes to her] Umm…
Wupo: I know what it is you seek. [brief silence] Ha! [Po yells in fear] And I will tell you... for five yuan.
Po: Why would I pay you for something I already know?
Wupo: Beats me, but people keep falling for it.
Po: I’m looking for—
Wupo: Something to enhance your kung fu abilities.
Wupo: [extends her hand] Five yuan. [Po hands her five coins.] I have just the thing here. [grabs something from her stall] But be warned… it would be dangerous. Magic gives much, but it also takes much away. For instance, I’m 22. [Po is left confused and silent for a few seconds. As she removes the red handkerchief from her hand, she reveals a pair of shoes.] Magic shoes!
Wupo: These will increase your kung fu skills a thousand-fold.
Po: [nervously] That’s a lot of… fold.
Wupo: [extends her hand] 100 yuan.
Po: That’s a lot of money.
Wupo: Fine. [walks away]
Po: Ok ok. [gives Wupo a bag of coins]
Wupo: [gives Po the shoes] But a word of warning. You must never wear the shoes for more than two hours at a time. Or… they will come to life! Legend has it... that the shoes belong to the Gilded Emperor himself! [The scene cuts to 2D-animation. People are seen lining up to meet a monkey who sits on a tall throne.] The emperor loved his people and sought to protect them from all that would do them harm. [Wupo is seen giving the shoes to the Gilded Emperor.] The shoes gave him extraordinary kung fu skills. [The shoes and the Gilded Emperor’s eyes glow. He leaps through his roof and goes into the skies. His people watch as he lands back down and splits the entrance to his palace in half. Four enemies appear from the entrance.] No one could defeat him. [He defeats them easily and forces them to retreat.] His subjects were safe. But the emperor ignored the warning… [He sends his people flying into the air with one punch.] and wore the shoes for too long! Soon, the shoes began to control him in their unquenchable thirst for destruction. [He then splits his people’s homes in half with one kick and causes his people to run from him.] He tried to remove the shoes, [As the village burns, his people run from him.] but only the strongest will can overcome their control. As the shoes’ power grew, [As his palace is in ruins, he sits on his throne.] they forced the emperor to do more and more kung fu. He destroyed his own kingdom and those he loved most. [The shoes cause his body to break into pieces, leaving only the shoes.] In the end… there was nothing left. [The scene cuts back to 3D-animation. The camera zooms out to show an upset Wupo, who was talking to herself the entire time.] Nobody ever stays for the warning.
[The scene cuts to Po entering the Training Hall at night.]
Po: Hello? [hides the shoes behind his back] Anybody here? [tiptoes inside gleefully] Ok, time to try these babies out. [puts on the shoes] There. [walks around to no effect] I don’t feel any different. Hmm. [performs a flying kick] No… maybe this. [performs a spinning back fist] How about… [performs multiple flying kicks] Or… [performs a flying kick and a punch] Aw man, I totally got ripped off! [panics as the shoes suddenly cause him to stand perpendicular to a column, proceeds to walk on walls seconds later, create a vacuum with the Jade Tortoise of Wisdom, and create a picture of his face with pieces of broken staffs] They work! [holds up three needles] Hello Celestial Phoenix. Goodbye training. [proceeds to easily pass the Test of the Three Needles.] I did it. These shoes are awesome! [looks at the shoes] Hmm, a little tight though. Better wear them overnight to break ‘em in. [As he sleeps on his bed, the shoes glow multiple times.]
[End of Act 1]
[The episode continues with Po entering the Training Hall in the morning.]
Po: [rubs his eyes] Morning, everybody.
[The camera shows the Furious Five standing behind Shifu.]
Shifu: Well, panda. I’m glad you were able to drag yourself out of bed to join us for today’s training.
Po: Actually, instead of training, I’d thought I’d give that three needles thing a try now.
Shifu: [raises eyebrow] The Test of the Three Needles is a metaphor. [smiles smugly] Perhaps you didn’t—
Po: [holds three needles] Come on. Just for grins?
Shifu: Alright, but first—
Po: Here it goes! [Shifu and the Furious Five gasp in shock as he easily completes the test.]
Shifu: Did you—
Po: Want to see it again? [Shifu drops his staff in shock as Po proceeds to complete the test quickly multiple times.] Well, [stretches arms] there you go. So, I’m the Celestial Phoenix now, right? Which means I’m done with training?
Shifu: Did you just—
Po: Alrighty, the Celestial Phoenix has a date with some plum dumplings… [yawns] and a nap.
[As Po leaves, Mantis notices that Po is wearing different shoes and groans nervously. The scene cuts to Po in the noodle shop kitchen with his dad.]
Mr. Ping: So, Po. Why am I making my famous special occasion plum dumplings? [chuckles nervously] Did you finally fit into your skinny pants, huh?
Po: [yawns] No, I’m the Celestial Phoenix.
Mr. Ping: Ahh… that’s… I don’t know what that is. [Suddenly, Po’s shoes activate and causes him to throw three woks into the air as stepping stones and create a destructive shockwave that knocks Mr. Ping’s customers into the air.] Po, stop it! [Po appears confused as Mr. Ping’s customers come back down. Suddenly, Po’s shoes cause him to perform a flying kick towards Mr. Ping. Mr. Ping reflexively throws a bowl of water towards the shoes, which causes the shoes to sizzle and retreat.]
Po: Whoa… what was in that bowl?
Mr. Ping: It—it’s just water, Po. It’s not even hot.
Po: Wow, these are some… sensitive shoes.
Mr. Ping: [angry] O—wh—wh—wha—what about my shop?!
Po: Uhh… looks nice. [smiles] Lived in. [chuckles] Bye!
[As Po leaves the shop, the scene fades to the exterior of the Hall of Warriors. Po comes in as the Furious Five are almost done cleaning the interior.]
Po: [yawns] What’s going on?
Crane: [sarcastically] Hello? We’re getting ready for Master Chao.
Po: [surprised] Master Chao is coming?
Shifu: [walking towards Po] Po, you passed the Test of the Three Needles. You’ve become the Celestial Phoenix! This may be the biggest event in the history of kung fu!
Monkey: Yeah. [punches Po on the arm] Way to go, buddy!
Tigress: I’ve had my doubts about you in the past, Po. But you’ve really proven yourself.
Po: [contemplates for a moment] Yeah, I, uh, [yawns] I guess I have. [sadly looks down at the shoes] I guess I have.
Shifu: I’m proud of you, panda. Very proud. [bows down]
Po: [chuckles nervously and bows down] I, uh… [Crane kicks down a scroll to reveal a huge drawing of Po kicking the air.] Whoa, cool!
Crane: Let’s hear it for Po!
[Everyone except Mantis cheers. Suddenly, Po starts walking up a column, walking across a piece of string hanging above, launches himself towards the doors of the Hall of Warriors to catch many falling lanterns, throws the lanterns back on the string, and finishes with a flying kick, somersault, and a fighting stance. As everyone else cheers, Mantis folds his arms together in disappointment. The scene cuts to the exterior of the Student Barracks and then to Po and Mantis eating dumplings together at the dining hall.]
Po: Man, today’s been so awesome!
Mantis: Uh huh.
Po: Everybody’s all tellin’ me how great I am. Master Chao’s coming to see me. [smiles]
Mantis: [disappointed] You mean he’s coming to see your shoes.
Mantis: [angry] I mention the Moshu Market, then suddenly you’ve got these amazing kung fu skills. Ooh, and. New. Shoes. [Po’s eyes widen] Ok? It doesn’t take an abacus to do the math on that one.
Po: [whistles and chuckles] Come on, that’s ridiculous. [yawns] I don’t know how you can suggest— [traps Mantis with his paws] Please don’t tell Shifu!
Mantis: [pushes Po’s hands away] Why not?!
Po: [shaking nervously] He’s so proud of me. And he’d be so disappointed! And he’d make me start training again!
Mantis: I can’t believe you’d lie to Shifu just to get out of training!
Po: I’m not lying. I’m just not telling the truth.
Mantis: Uh huh. Shifu has to know about these shoes, Po. [walks away]
[Suddenly, Po’s shoes knock over the table and fly towards Mantis. He lands next to a wall near Mantis and falls down.]
Po: Crazy feet. [chuckles and sighs desperately] I’ll take the shoes back, Mantis. Just please… don’t rat me out! We’re buddies, right?
Mantis: [sighs and rolls his eyes] Fine. I won’t tell Shifu. But until I see those shoes off your feet and you come clean, I’m not sure we are [air quotes] buddies. [walks away]
[The scene fades to Po wandering a bamboo forest.]
Po: Hello? Old, warty pig lady? Anybody? [sees a few abandoned stalls] The market! It—it’s deserted! [sadly falls back on a tree] Well, I guess if I just… leave them and go, I— [As Po is about to take off the shoes, its toe cap open and reveal sharp teeth. Po quietly yells in fear.]
[End of Act 2]
[The episode continues with Po panting as he reaches the top of the stairs near the Hall of Warriors.]
Mantis: Po! [hops towards Po]
Po: Look. I know you’re mad, but you gotta help me.
Mantis: [loudly whispering] You’re still wearing the shoes!
Po: [loudly whispering] That’s what I’m trying to tell you! I can’t— [stands up straight] Master Chao!
Chao: [opens the doors] Ah! I’ve been waiting for you. Come in. [Po smiles nervously. The scene cuts to the interior of the Hall of Warriors with the rest of the Five waiting patiently.] When I got the news, I could hardly believe it! [guides Po to a table that contains twenty-three needles.] Come, you must show me.
Po: Yeah, you know… now’s not the best time…
Chao: Please… I’ve been waiting my whole life for this! I must see you perform the Three Needles. [As Po completes the test, Chao suddenly faints on Shifu’s arms. Shifu pushes him back up, Chao faints again, Shifu pushes him back up again.] Incredible!
Po: Thanks! [slowly steps back] I—I really gotta talk to Mantis about— [Suddenly, Po’s shoes force him towards the table.] Whoa! [completes the test again]
Chao: It can’t be!
[Po suddenly grabs and kicks a bunch of needles to put a goatee on the huge drawing of himself. Then he kicks the table to send the remaining needles into the air, kicks them upward while in a handstand, walks up a column, uses the Sword of Heroes to deflect and stack them on the ground, and balances himself on the highest needle. Everyone gasps.]
Chao: Stunning! Simply stunning! [Po leaps down.] You truly are the Celestial Phoenix.
Po: Uh, yeah, well… [chuckles]
Chao: I guess you should start saying your goodbyes.
Po: I… what?
Shifu: As the Celestial Phoenix, you have obtained a greater understanding of kung fu than any who have gone before you.
Chao: And of course, now you must travel the land teaching this higher form of kung fu. [Po nervously scratches his cheek.] Spreading all that you have learned.
Po: Uhh… I don’t know if I really learned—
Shifu: You are my greatest pupil, panda. [walks towards Po] But now, the pupil has become the master. Perhaps one day, I can learn from you.
Po: [covers his mouth] I… I, auugh, it’s the shoes!
Shifu: [confused] What?!
Po: These are magic shoes! I was sick of training and I thought if I could just do the Three Needles, that’d fix everything! [looks at the Five] So, I got these shoes, but I was wrong and I’m sorry and—and— [The Five snicker. He looks back at Shifu.] And… why are you all… [Shifu snickers. Chao smiles.] smiling? You knew all along! [looks back at the Five] Did you all know?
Monkey: Pretty much.
Viper: Shifu told us.
Tigress: Also, your shoes kept glowing.
Mantis: Uh, sorry, Po. I had to keep pretending I was the only one who knew, so you wouldn’t suspect anything.
Po: [smiles] Why? [looks back at Shifu] Why did you go through all of this?
Shifu: To get you to understand.
Po: Understand what? [Shifu smiles in silence.] Oh. That fancy kung fu isn’t worth anything if I don’t work for it. If I don’t really learn it, it isn’t… part of me.
Shifu: And the only way to learn it?
Po: [smiles] Is to train.
Shifu: Exactly. Now why don’t you take off those shoes?
Po: [eyes widen] Because… I can’t.
Shifu: Don’t be ridiculous. You just—
[Suddenly, Po’s shoes squeal and kicks Shifu to the roof.]
Po: I’m sorry. It wasn’t me, I swear. It was the shoes! They’re alive! [Po’s shoes glow and force him into a fighting stance.] Stay back!
Monkey: We’ll get the shoes off of you, Po!
[The Five leap towards Po.]
Po: Don’t! [knocks out Crane and Tigress] Sorry! [knocks out Viper and Monkey]
Chao: [leaps towards Po with a fighting stance] Panda. Remain calm. [walks with his knees towards Po’s shoes] If I approach slowly, the shoes may not— [Po’s shoes cause Po to leap on Chao’s shoulders.]
Po: [looks down] I think they heard you. [Po’s shoes knock out Chao by flinging him to the door.] I’m sorry, everyone! I’m sorry.
Shifu: Hold still, Po.
Po: [looks back at Shifu] Huh?
Shifu: I’d like to do this without hurting you. [pulls out a bamboo staff from behind his back]
Po: [sighs] I’d like that too. [Po’s shoes force him into a fighting stance. Shifu leaps towards him and attacks. After forcing Po to block the staff with his hands, Shifu tries to take off the shoes, but he gets shocked when he touches it. Po’s shoes eventually pin him by the throat. Shifu struggles as he pushes the shoes away from his chest.]
Shifu: Po, please!
Po: [mentally holds back his fist] No! I… won’t… hurt… Shifu! [hangs on to a column] I won’t! [slams his feet on the floor to stun the shoes and then throws them on the ground, the shoes move towards him, he grabs Ox’s sword and angrily waits for the shoes to come] You may be shoes, but you ain’t got no soul! [looks at the camera] I mean the shoe kind of soul, not—not the other—
Monkey: [nervously yells] We get it!
Po: [panting after cutting the shoes into pieces] I did it. [Seconds later, the shoe pieces transform into the original form of the shoes.] Oh heck no!
[The shoes begin to slip onto everyone else’s feet and control their movements.]
Mantis: Po. Run! [flies away]
Po: No, I gotta stop them. Now! [The Five surround him. He jumps to the roof, pushes himself off, and frees them from the shoes by landing on them. The shoes circle above him.] There’s gotta be something that’ll— wait! [remembers the effects of water on the shoes] Water! [The shoes follow him as he cannonballs into the Moon Pool, which dissolves all the shoes.]
[The scene cuts to Shifu and the Five waking up.]
Shifu: Po. Po! [walks towards Po, who is leaning on the edge of the pool] Are you alright?
Po: [smiles] Yeah… just… worn out.
Shifu: I’m glad to hear it. [momentary silence] Because it’s time for training.
Po: Aww… [slowly falls back into the pool]
[The scene cuts to Shifu and Chao walking towards the stairs.]
Shifu: Thank you for your help.
Chao: Not at all. It was exciting to see someone perform the Three Needles, even if it was just from the power of those horrible shoes.
[Shifu and Chao bow down and walk away from each other. As Shifu closes the door, a lone pair of shoe is seen hiding behind a column outside. Suddenly, Wupo contains them in a wooden cage.]
Wupo: [smiles] So, causing trouble again, huh? Don’t bother to deny it. [walks down the stairs into the sunset] I think we better get out of this town. Honestly, I can’t take you anywhere.
[End of Act 3]
[End of transcript]