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Written here is the full transcript of the episode "In With the Old" from the Nickelodeon television series Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness. This transcript has been separated into three segments, indicated accordingly to the episode's commercial breaks.
Character dialogue lines were originally written by the episode's screenwriter, Kevin Seccia. Descriptions shown between italicized brackets were written by contributors of this article.
[The episode opens up with Po running excitedly through the Student Barracks.]
PO: C'mon you guys, we gotta hurry. Everybody packed and ready? Good, let's get a move on.
[Po goes into a room and starts throwing cases into the hallway. In trying to hurry he accidentally throws Tigress onto the pile of bags.]
PO: Oops, sorry, Tigress.
[Po cowers behind the door as Tigress gets angry. The rest of the Furious Five show up just in time to stop Tigress from attacking Po.]
MONKEY: Easy, Tigress. Po's just excited.
[The other members of the Five leave.]
[Po runs away.]
TIGRESS: Oh, it's going in the book.
[Po and the Five walk down the steps from the barracks.]
PO: This levitation Kung Fu demo is gonna be so awesome!
CRANE: (Sarcastically) Ooh, someone who can do Kung Fu and fly? Amazing.
PO: Now remember, if this guy levitates and I pass out [Grabs Tigress and shakes her.] wake me up!
MR. PING: Po!
[Mr. Ping runs up to the group.]
MR. PING: I need your help!
PO: Aw, but dad! I'm about to go see a flying Kung Fu Master who can fly!
MR. PING: It's urgent!
PO: Urgent, really? Aw, okay. Okay, but quick. [Walks off.] I'll, uh, catch up to you guys. Save some awesome for me!
[ Temutai watches the Five through a spyglass.]
[Temutai has a short vision where he takes out Po and Shifu and takes over the Valley of Peace. He rallies up his buffalo guards.
Po arrives at the Noodle Shop. He performs a few Kung Fu moves.]
PO: The Dragon Warrior is here, ready for action, so what is it? What's the emergency?
[Mr. Ping covers the entrance with a wooden panel.]
MR. PING: It's Mahjong.
PO: I don't get it, Mahjong?
[Mr. Ping sets at a table with two old people.]
MR. PING: We need a forth.
PO: That's the emergency?! I was gonna see flying mixed with punching! That like the coolest combination of things possible, except for... maybe, cookies and pudding!
MR. PING: Maybe you did not hear me. This is Mahjong, son. [Jumps on Po's face.] Mahjong!
[The two old people look at Po.]
PO: And really, really old people.
MR. PING: You know, even if you whisper it, it's still disrespectful. And surely this is not too big a favor for your lonely father who worked triple shifts to put you through school!
PO: But I didn't go to school.
MR. PING: Another disappointment.
PO: Fine, but a quick game, then I can still see the flying-Fu guy.
[Po sits down at the table.]
PO: I'll go first. Alright, your turn Mrs. Gow.
[Mrs. Gow stares at Po before slowly starting her move. She tries to decide on which tile to pick.]
MRS. GOW: No, not that one.
[Po becomes excited as Mrs. Gow seemingly prepares to pick a tile, but then she pulls away.]
MRS. GOW: Not that one.
[Mrs. Gow slowly reaches for a tile, much to Po's frustration. Mrs. Gow nearly grabs the tile but stops.]
MRS. GOW: I don't know.
[Po becomes excited when Mrs. Gow finally picks up a tile.]
MRS. GOW: Yes, this one!
[Mrs. Gow puts the tile back down.]
MRS. GOW: No. This is it. Wait.
[Po starts impatiently squirming in his seat.]
MRS. GOW: Okay done.
[Mrs. Gow places a tile.]
PO: Great, your turn.
[ Mr. Yeung stares at Po before slowly making his move, however, before he can place the tile, he falls asleep. Po moves Mrs. Gow aside and tries to force Mr. Yeung's arm down, so he can place the tile.]
PO: Just... little help here... I just gotta get this piece down...
[Po pushes the tile onto the table, but Mr. Yeung is still holding it. Po tries to pry Mr. Yeung's hand open.]
PO: Alright... Now, fingers off... Just let go. Fingers off.
[Mr. Yeung quickly wakes up, hitting Po and knocking him down.]
MR. YEUNG: Where's the toilet?!
[Temutai and a large group of Qidan warriors arrive at the Jade Palace.]
TEMUTAI: Ah, at last, the helmet of the invincible thunder kick will be mine! I will have the most powerful kick ON EARTH! I will finally be able to crush that stupid panda who HUMILIATED ME!
[Qidan warriors use a battering ram to break down the doors to the Hall of Warriors. Shifu stays calm and meditates by the Moon Pool as the Qidan enter.]
TEMUTAI: Rat! Tell me where the Helmet of the Invincible Thunder Kick is!
[Shifu remains sitting by the Moon Pool.]
SHIFU: That's not going to happen.
[Temutai throws a large mace at Shifu. Shifu stops the mace with his staff and throws it out of the palace.]
TEMUTAI: Get him, but keep HIM ALIVE!
[Several buffalo charge toward Shifu. Shifu puts out two candles and slowly stands up. As the buffaloes near him, Shifu takes a fighting stance. The buffaloes try to attack, but Shifu holds them off without difficulty. Shifu jumps over one of the soldiers. The soldier falls and lightly touches the water in the Moon Pool as Shifu catches him by the tail. Shifu continues fighting, using the enemies' weapons against them. Eventually, Shifu takes down every soldier, leaving only Temutai. Shifu and Temutai prepare to fight, when suddenly two buffaloes place a large cage over Shifu.]
SHIFU: A Qidan Bell Trap! No.
TEMUTAI: Shifu, tell me where you've hidden the helmet, and I'll go EASY ON YOU!
[Shifu sits down and continues meditating.]
TEMUTAI: You can fight soldiers, but you can't fight iron!
[Two soldiers place a boulder on top of the trap. The spiked ceiling of the trap starts slowly collapsing on Shifu. Temutai laughs triumphantly. Shifu looks at the spikes and starts to worry.]
[End of Act 1]
[Mr. Yeung plays a horribly out of tune erhu, though no one seems to mind. Mrs. Gow grabs her purse. Mr. Ping rearranges his mahjong tiles.]
PO: Mr. Yeung, it's your turn.
[Mr. Yeung continues playing the erhu for a while. Po is pleased when Mr. Yeung finally stops playing.]
[Mr. Yeung continues playing the erhu, much to Po's frustration. Po repeatedly hits his head on the table. Eventually Po becomes impatient and takes the erhu from Mr. Yeung.]
PO: Save some for later, you're spoiling me. Really I... Okay let's pick up the pace people, I got some airborne annihilating I gotta see.
[Mr. Yeung and Mrs. Gow stare at Po.]
PO: It's called "Mahjong" not "Mah... long time to..." Uh... Let's go! Come on, it's your turn, Dad. Dad?
[Mr. Ping walks out of the kitchen with a tray of food.]
MR. PING: Ooh, this game is heating up something fierce! This ain't for no Sunday players.
[Mr. Ping places a bowl on the table and walks away. Po plants his head on the table.]
MRS. GOW: Candy, Po?
[Po suddenly becomes excited and he takes the candy.]
PO: Ooh, always!
[Po eats the candy until it causes him to gag and cough. Po suddenly spits out the candy.]
MRS. GOW: Hmm?
[Not wanting to upset Mrs. Gow, Po smiles and puts the candy back in his mouth. Though Po gags, Mrs. Gow thinks he enjoys it and smiles. Po spits the candy out behind the table.]
PO: Aw, forget it, we're wasting time!
[Po rearranges each of the players tiles and does their moves for them until the game is over.]
PO: Oh, great, nice job. You win. Okay, gotta go.
[Po gets up and approaches the exit.]
MR. PING: No, no, no, no, that's not right! Mahjong is no fun without four.
[Po is walking out of the restaurant.]
PO: I promise I'll play again... when I'm eighty. Right now, I have some cool new stuff to do.
MR. PING: Just because something is new, doesn't make it better.
PO: (From a distance) I think it does.
[Po runs through the village. He stops when he hears a loud rumbling sound coming from the Jade Palace.]
PO: Huh, wha-? [Turns around.] That's weird. It's coming from the Jade Palace.
[Po arrives at the palace, out of breath.]
TEMUTAI: Shifu, I've had enough of this foolery.
TEMUTAI: Where is the HELMET HIDDEN?!
[Po jumps into the Hall of Warriors.]
PO: Let Shifu go, or you'll be pulling panda fur out of places you never knew you had!
TEMUTAI: It's the Dragon Warrior! Stop him!
[Several buffalo warriors run at Po with a battering ram. Po runs out of the hall. The warriors hit Po with the battering ram and knock him down the stairs. Po winds up falling through the roof of a house, where he falls to through the floors to the bottom of the house. Po slides out of the house and into the Noodle Shop.]
MR. PING: Well, well, well, look who's come crawling back. Fly boy, that's who! I knew you would be back, Mahjong is in your blood now.
[Po slowly gets up.]
PO: No... Jade Palace... Shifu... trouble.
MR. PING: Oh, son! Are you okay?
[Mr. Ping helps Po stand up.]
PO: Gotta think! I'm in a mess here. I can't fight that army all by myself. I need the Furious Five! They won't be back for days. I need a plan.
MR. PING: Maybe we can help.
PO: It's not a Mahjong tournament, Dad! Temutai is gonna destroy Shifu if I don't free 'em. This is big time. Kung Fu master time!
MR. PING: I can get Kung Fu masters.
PO: You can? How?! Who?! Where?!
MR. PING: Gow of the Hundred Stars and Yeung the Musical Archer.
PO: Master Gow and Master Yeung! Those guys were awesome like a million years ago.
[A 2-D animated sequence begins. Master Gow and Master Yeung stand on a cliff surrounded by scorpions.]
PO (Voice Over): They fought a battle against two thousand scorpions.
YEUNG: Actually, you're forgetting about the guys clustered along the trees.
GOW: Yes indeed, must be closer to three thousand.
YEUNG: [Laughs.] It hardly seems fair.
[Gow holds many throwing stars.]
PO (V.O.): Gow had like a hundred stars!
[Gow throws the stars. Yeung loads arrows onto an erhu.]
PO (V.O): And Yeung was a musical archer!
[Yeung fires the arrows. Gow and Yeung fight off the scorpions. End of 2-D animation.]
PO: Whoa! But, where are they?!
[Mr. Ping turns and gestures toward Mrs. Gow and Mr. Yeung. Po becomes confused.]
PO: Are they behind the pathetic old people, or...
MR. PING: Do not judge a book by it's cover, Po.
PO: But... But that's them? These guys are those guys?
[Mrs. Gow and Mr. Yeung groan and slowly turn towards Po.]
PO: Oh, Mrs. Gow, you were like a star throwing machine! Mr. Yeung, I heard you could control arrows with your mind!
MR. PING: And I can bend noodles to my will, I will come too.
PO: No, Dad. It's too dangerous.
MR. PING: Why? Why? Because they're old? They can't hack it? They still got the goods, son. Mrs. Gow, show him your throwing stars.
[Mrs. Gow grabs a bag.]
MRS. GOW: I have them right here, in my throwing star bag.
[Mrs. Gow flips the bag, only for pairs of dentures to fall out, much to Po and Mr. Ping's confusion.]
MR. PING: So, it's teeth, so what? Mr. Yeung here can still hit a gnat's eye from a hundred yards with that bow of his.
MR. YEUNG: Luckily, I always have it with me.
[A string snaps on Mr. Yeung's erhu and hits him.]
PO: Uh, okay. I know this is gonna sound bad, but... I mean, you guys were awesome, then many, many, years went by, and, well, don't get me wrong, you're still awesome, but y-- You're gonna get hurt. Or worse!
MRS. GOW: No.
MR. YEUNG: Don't be ridiculous!
MRS. GOW: That's crazy talk!
PO: But Mrs. Gow, you were born the year they invented rope! And Mr. Yeung, is older than you!
MR. PING: [Gasp.] Po, that was rude! I taught you better than that.
MR. YEUNG: Boy's got a mouth on him.
PO: I'm the Dragon Warrior, I'll handle this on my own.
[Po walks away. Po arrives at the Jade Palace. He sneaks behind two guards and knocks one of the guard's weapons into the other guard. The guard attacks the other guard. As the two guards are distracted, Po sneaks by and hides behind a column. He waits for another guard to pass before scaling up the column. Po falls into the Hall of Warriors, where a guard spots him. The guard charges at Po, but Po trips him and causes him to get hit by his own weapon.]
PO: Shifu, are you okay?
[Shifu struggles to keep the spiked ceiling from crushing him.]
SHIFU: Forget about me! Get the Thunder Kick Helmet before Temutai.
PO: No, I gotta get you out, the roof is gonna cave in.
SHIFU: You've gotta get the helmet before he does! If Temutai has it, there is no force in the Valley that will stop him!
[Temutai yells from somewhere in the palace.]
TEMUTAI: Yes! I'm close, I can feel it!
SHIFU: Hurry, the helmet is downstairs, four doors past the dungeon.
[Po runs away, but quickly comes back.]
PO: We have a dungeon?
SHIFU: Get going!
BUFFALO: The panda!
[Po looks up to realize that he is surrounded by Qidan warriors.]
PO: Okay, we're done with the hiding. I guess we'll have to move on to the kicking butt portion!
[Po grabs a large mace from one of the warriors. He uses it to swing around and kick all of the warriors. Once all the buffaloes are down, Po picks up the weapon and spins it. A large group of Qidan warriors runs into the hall and surrounds Po.]
PO: Oh, I guess we're doing the impossible odds thing now, good choice.
[The guards pummel Po with their weapons. Eventually, the Qidan have Po pinned outside near the stairs.]
PO: You're making a colossal mistake, 'cause any moment now, I will be joined by the return of the Furious Five.
MR. YEUNG: Where's the toilet?!
[Mr. Ping shows up with Mrs. Gow and Mr. Yeung.]
PO: Or them.
[End of Act 2]
PO: Guys, go back! You'll get hurt.
MR. YEUNG: Don't be ridiculous! I've still got... [Coughs.] I'm going to pass out.
[The guards exchange glances as Mr. Yeung slowly catches his breath.]
MR. YEUNG: Hi, son, you're Ping's kid, right?
[Po trembles with fear. A guard walks up to Mrs. Gow.]
BUFFALO: So, what're you gonna fight me with?
[Mrs. Gow pulls out a pair of dentures.]
BUFFALO: [Laughs.] Oh, don't hurt me with your teeth. [Laughs.] Watch out, she might knit me a sweater. [Laughs.]
[Mrs. Gow suddenly thrusts a pair of dentures into the buffalo's face, knocking him down. Mrs. Gow stands in a fighting position, wielding dentures.]
[Several guards try to attack Mrs. Gow. Mrs. Gow spins and throws denture, taking out all of the attacking guards.]
PO: Whoa, I didn't even know that was a thing!
[Mrs. Gow smiles at Po.]
MR. PING: Don't smile at him, you're old. Old people can't smile, right, Po? We can't do anything!
[Mrs. Gow stops smiling. Po groups up with his father, Mrs. Gow, and Mr. Yeung as the remaining guards prepare to fight.]
PO: Dad, can we discuss this later? We got company! I need to get in there and stop Temutai! Can you guys cover me?
MR. YEUNG: Uh-huh.
[Mrs. Gow throws dentures and Mr. Yeung shoots arrows to cover Po as he runs up the remaining steps. After taking down several guards, Mrs. Gow kicks a guard several times. Mr. Yeung finishes off the guard with an uppercut. Po encounters a guard close to the top of the stairs. He jumps on top of the guards and flips him, taking him out. Po stops and looks down to Mr. Ping, Mrs. Gow, and Mr. Yeung.]
MRS. GOW: You do what you need to do, Po. We'll tidy up here.
[Po bows and runs into the Hall of Warriors.]
PO: I'm working on it.
[Po runs past Shifu. Po falls down some stairs near the dungeon, when he encounters Temutai at the end of a hall.]
TEMUTAI: Too late, panda. At last, it is I who will humiliate you! THE HELMET SHALL BE MINE!
PO: Wow, you're so dramatic. You don't have to shout everything.
TEMUTAI: I shall DEFEAT YOU!
PO: Seriously, can you not talk like a normal person?
[Temutai gets angry and starts heading towards a door. Po races to get to the door before Temutai. Po and Temutai get to the door at the same time. Temutai pushes Po aside and opens the door. The room is full of helmets.]
TEMUTAI: So many helmets, WHICH ONE?! That must be it, the fanciest one.
[Temutai grabs a silver helmet with a red crest.]
TEMUTAI: With this helmet, I will have the power of the Invincible Thunder Kick!
[Temutai puts on the helmet. He starts jumping around and making chicken and monkey sounds. Temutai removes the helmet.]
TEMUTAI: No! That's the Monkey-Chicken-Dance Helmet!
[Temutai throws the helmet.]
PO: I might have to take that one home.
[Po and Temutai look around for a while before scrambling to try on different helmets. Po tries on a horned helmet. He begins punching himself uncontrollably.]
PO: That must've been the Your Own Worst Enemy Helmet.
[Temutai puts on a green helmet, causing him to dance and speak gibberish. He throws the helmet.]
TEMUTAI: That wasn't me.
[The two continue looking around.]
TEMUTAI: That helmet has TO BE HERE!
[Temutai grabs a spiked helmet.]
TEMUTAI: Good bye, panda.
[The helmet consumes Temutai in electricity. Po puts on a helmet which causes his belly to get bigger. Temutai tries on another helmet, he suddenly turns invisible. Po puts on a helmet, causing him to itch. Temutai is seen floating in the air, possibly from another helmet. Po falls asleep from his next helmet. Temutai's next helmet causes him to vibrate. Po wears another helmet and he's suddenly eating a piece of wood. Temutai is shrunk by his next helmet. Po's new helmet makes him spin sideways. Temutai's next helmet makes his cheeks puff in and out. Po and Temutai try on a helmet that makes them laugh with each other. Po tries on a helmet which makes him scream like a girl. Temutai's new helmet makes his teeth chatter. Po's new helmet makes him cross his eyes and frown. The next helmet causes Po and Temutai to fall as it bounces between their heads. Po continues looking for a new helmet.]
PO: Wait a minute.
[Po looks over to a plain gray helmet.]
PO: Don't judge a book by it's cover!
[Po nearly tries in the helmet, when Temutai throws him and takes the helmet.]
TEMUTAI: It's Thunder Kick time!
[Temutai's foot begins electrifying. He kicks a pedestal, sending electricity throughout the area and out of the Jade Palace. Po becomes fearful as Temutai approaches him. Po suddenly starts fighting Temutai, landing a kick to the stomach. Po is quickly forced to dodge when Temutai starts kicking towards him.]
TEMUTAI: Hold still!
[Po jumps out of the way of one of Temutai's kicks, causing Temutai to kick the door. Po lands behind Temutai. Po ducks to avoid Temutai's tackle. Temutai slides to the other side of the room. Temutai stomps, shaking the room.
In the Hall of Warriors, the ceiling of the Qidan Bell Trap nears Shifu even more.
Po falls through a column. Po is down as Temutai approaches him. Po notices that a piece of the column is still hanging above him. He does a dodge roll to avoid the collapsing debris. The piece of column lands in front of Temutai. Temutai kicks the column, causing pieces to crush Po. Temutai slowly approaches Po. Po sees a horned helmet nearby. As Temutai is approaching, Po grabs the horned helmet and throws it onto Temutai's head.]
TEMUTAI: WHAT HELMET IS THIS?!
PO: That's the Your Own Worst Enemy Helmet. Bye-bye!
[Temutai Thunder Kicks himself out of the building and far into the Valley of Peace. Po stands up and puts on the Helmet of the Invincible Thunder Kick.]
[Po runs into the Hall of Warriors.]
PO: Shifu, stand back!
[Po prepares to kick the Qidan Bell Trap.]
PO: What're you doing?!
SHIFU: Putting my robe back on, it's hot in here.
[Po waits for a little while.]
[Po destroys the Bell Trap with a Thunder Kick. Lightning comes out of the doors of the palace.]
SHIFU: Thank you, Po. You've saved the Valley.
[Po and Shifu bow to each other. Shifu looks behind Po to see a trail of craters in the floor.]
SHIFU: You couldn't have carried the helmet in and then put it on?
[Po walks into the Noodle Shop.]
PO: Hey, guys.
[Mr. Ping, Mrs. Gow, and Mr. Yeung play Mahjong.]
PO: Yeah, look, I kinda owe you an apology about that stuff I said about you being old.
MRS. GOW: Old as rope, if I remember correctly. You know, rope, that thing that is very useful and helpful.
MR. PING: Yes, and rope got his feeling hurt when you said that.
MR. YEUNG: Aw, what's that mean?
MR. PING: I'm the rope.
PO: Yeah, I'm really sorry about that. That was wrong of me.
MR. YEUNG: But, we need a forth.
MR. PING: Mahjong, anyone?
[Po smiles and walks over to sit down.]
MRS. GOW: It's my turn.
PO: Take your time, Mrs. Gow. No rush.
[The Furious Five fly over the Noodle Shop.]
MONKEY: Hey, you've gotta try out this levitation Kung Fu, Po.
CRANE: Get over yourselves.
[Po remains focused on Mahjong.]
MR. PING: Uh, Po, don't you wanna go learn how to fly with your friends?
PO: I'm right where I wanna be, Dad. This is Mahjong. Mahjong! Ha, deal with that. Hey, no cheating Mrs. Gow.
[End of Act 3]
[End of Transcript]