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Written here is the full transcript of the episode "Crane on a Wire" from the Nickelodeon television series Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness. This transcript has been separated into three segments, indicated accordingly to the episode's commercial breaks.
Character dialogue lines were originally written by the episode's screenwriter, Gene Grillo. Descriptions shown between italicized brackets were written by contributors of this article.
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[The episode opens with a 2D animation of a giant-sized shadow moving up across a trail of village homes with bamboo trees and mountains nearby.]
Po: [narrating] Legend tells that of the awesomely awesome giant – Charitable Chan! [The shadow is revealed to be a panda, looking down at the camera with white, glowing eyes.] He sought out the rich and fancy. [Three men are shown walking with royal clothes. Shortly after, they get grabbed by the giant and have their money fall from their clothes as they are hung upside-down.] Distributing their shiny coins to those in need. [The money lands near a group of poor children, who dance as the money continues to rain.] Knowing that there was nothing better than those who have… give to those who do not! [Money starts to stack up and cover the screen.] And so… [The animation returns to 3D, with Po dancing and singing a playful tune in the Training Hall. He then moves closer to the camera and stops to shake a jar, which contains a few coins inside, in front of the Furious Five, who stare at him emotionlessly.]
Crane: I’m guessing you’re asking for a donation.
Po: For the new children’s hospital. Good cause. [chuckles] I encourage you all to give until it hurts. [Tigress casually flings a coin towards his face.] Ow! You! Hurts you!
[The other four also donate a coin.]
Mantis: Sounds awesome!
Monkey: Good job, Po.
Crane: Eh-yup. Sorry Po, I spent my last few coins on a new nasal irrigator. Ain’t she a beaut’? [He holds up a finger-sized pair of bellows and pumps air with it. Po becomes confused.] But uh… be happy to donate my services [winks] in any way I can. Ah. Excuse me. [He uses his nasal irrigator and honks out of relief. Po and the other four are disgusted as they watch.]
Po: Wait a minute… great idea! [looks at the other four] We can all donate our services!
Tigress: Which means…?
Po: We’ll hold a Jade Palace Fancy-Pants Auction!
[The scene cuts to Po and the Five walking up some stony stairs outside.]
Monkey: You mean… get people to bid money on us?
Po: Right. Whoever bids the most gets to spend their day with their favorite kung fu master! [looks back at the Five] Is that an incredibly awesome idea or what?
Tigress: I doubt Master Shifu would approve.
Po: He won’t know! He’s on his yearly pilgrimage to enhance his spiritual powers.
[The scene cuts to Shifu getting his back massaged by a woman jumping on him.]
Shifu: Just a little to the left. There it—ah, thank you.
[The scene cuts to Monkey eating in the dining hall table.]
Monkey: Eh… no auction for me, Po. What if Mrs. Yoon bids on me? I’d have to spend the day with her. [He chuckles then quickly makes a sad frown.] She smells like paste! Paste!
Po: Come on, you guys are the Furious Five! Where’s your furious feistiness? [The Five casually resume eating their meal.] Oh… okay, I get it. I’ll obviously fetch the highest donation ‘cause I’m the most popular kung fu master! [The Five frown upon him.] You guys are just scared that you’ll get smoked.
Mantis: Most popular kung fu doofus is more like it. I’m in!
Monkey: It’s on, panda!
Tigress: You’re a glutton for humiliation.
[The camera cuts to the exterior of the dining hall and moves outward.]
Po: Yes! Another victory for Charitable Chan! [sings a playful tune]
Tigress: Stop that.
[The scene cuts to people walking towards a wooden stage near Mr. Ping’s Noodle Shop.]
Mr. Ping: [stands on a pedestal] Hello! And welcome to the Jade Palace Master Kung Fu Charity Auction! [Fireworks appear from the back. The crowd cheers.] And brought to you by Ping’s Noodle Shop. This week only, all noodle soup profits go directly to the new children’s hospital. [A group of kids cheer.] But not dessert profits. [The same group of kids become sad.] What? Let’s not go cuckoo crazy here. [They continue to be sad.] Hmm… okay… dessert profits too. [They cheer again.] Okay, okay, let’s get right to the bidding! First up, Master Tigress! [The crowd cheers.]
Tigress: [glances back at Po] Watch and learn, Charitable Chump.
Po: Actually, it’s— [Tigress yells as she jumps high up. She then lands to kick a log upward multiple times into pieces, finishes with a perfect split, and creates a tiny replica of a house from the falling pieces of wood. The crowd cheers while Po crosses his arms with jealousy.] Eh, seen better.
Man #1: 20 yuan.
Man #2: 25!
Man #3: 30!
Mr. Ping: Uh uh, 30? Going once… twice…
[One of the kids whisper something to their father.]
Man #4: 40!
[The crowd oohs in amazement.]
Mr. Ping: [bangs gavel] Sold! You win a day with Tigress!
[Man #4’s kids playfully lead Tigress out of the stage.]
Monkey: 40 yuan? [scoffs] I can beat that! [Monkey jumps forward and immediately juggles plates. The crowd oohs in amazement. He then breaks them by kicking them as they fall.]
Man #5: 35!
Man #6: 40!
Woman #1: 50!
Mr. Ping: [bangs gavel] Done! 50 yuan wins the day with Monkey!
Monkey: [glances back at Po and the three] Told you!
Mr. Ping: For Mrs. Yoon!
[Monkey looks in disgust as Mrs. Yoon shakes up and down in excitement. He attempts to crawl away from her, but eventually she drags him away from the stage.]
Po: [surprised] 50 yuan? [chuckles and looks at Crane] Wow Crane, you got a hard act to follow.
Crane: [chuckles] Ho—yeah. You just watch.
Mr. Ping: Next up, Master Crane!
[Crane flies up then lands on stage with a dramatic pose. He then breaks a few wooden boards held by the crowd with his hands and feet. The crowd cheers. Shortly after, Crane sneezes. As he snorts back the mucus in his nose, the crowd looks at him in disgust.]
Crane: ‘Scuse me. Lots of allergies in the air. [sneezes twice] It’ll—ah—it’ll clear up in a second. [He sneezes uncontrollably as the crowd follow his back-forth pacing with their eyes and Po flinch in embarrassment for him.]
Mr. Ping: Well, that was unattractive. Okay, do I hear 40? [The crowd looks away from the stage.] Eh… 39? [Some of the crowd disperse.] 33? Oh really… oh, 7?
[Crane looks down sadly.]
Po: Come on, people! What’s with the limp bidding? This is Master Crane we’re talking about! He’s awesome.
[The crowd looks back at the stage.]
Crane: Uh Po, please. I can—uh. [moves towards the exit]
Po: [grabs hold of Crane] Hold on, buddy. I mean, you gotta love the legendary Crane-ster. Am I right?
Man #7: Well actually, his kung fu is great.
[The crowd huddle up and talk to each other.]
Man #8: But he tells really boring stories.
Kid #1: And we don’t find him kid-relatable.
Man #9: The sounds from his nose haunts my dreams!
Po: Wait! None of that is true… except for maybe the haunting dreams part. [He glances back at Crane and pauses to realize his mentioning of the unfavorable detail.] But Crane’s super cool! [He takes something from Crane’s pants pocket.] And check out this wicked accessory! [As soon as he uses the nasal irrigator, a deflating noise is heard. Po yelps in pain while grasping his nose.] That stings! Why would you do this to yourself?
Man #10: That’s what we’re saying!
[The crowd murmurs in agreement. Both Po and Crane look at the crowd, embarrassed.]
Crane: Sorry I ruined your auction, Po. [exits the stage]
Po: But Crane… [Crane sneezes] mean to… [Mantis and Viper stand near Po.] That didn’t go very well, did it?
Mantis: Oh, you figured that all out by yourself?
Mr. Ping: [walks towards Po and the two] The people are watching. [pushes them] Continue the auction. [The camera cuts to Crane slowly walking away from the stage.] Let’s keep the, uh, good times rolling with the Dragon Warrior!
[More people approach the stage. The crowd cheers. Two kids bump into Crane and laugh at him before continuing their way to the stage. Crane goes in Mr. Ping’s Noodle Shop and looks at his reflection sadly from a wok. The camera goes to a birds-eye view of Crane. Shortly after, an unidentified flying object zooms across the noodle shop.]
Mr. Ping: Okay Dragon Warrior, show us what you got!
[Everyone in the stage flinches as Fenghuang’s metal prison suit suddenly hits the ground. The camera goes to a birds-eye view of the stage. Fenghuang laughs as she flies into the sky, wanting to be seen by everyone near the stage.]
Fenghuang: You didn’t really think that—that pathetic cage could hold me, did you? [She dives towards the stage with her talons out.]
Monkey: She’s gonna attack!
Po: [worriedly] Hang on… she might be here just for the auction. [Fenghuang flies past across a building with her talons, causing it to split in half. The debris falls towards Po and the other four.] Look out!
[The camera cuts to Crane turning his head towards the loud noise. He sneezes. As he exits the noodle shop, the crowd is running around in panic. He turns his head to see Po and the other four under the debris unconscious. He then goes near them.]
Crane: Po! Tigress! What happened?
Fenghuang: [off-screen] I’d be happy to show you. [The camera cuts to her flying towards Crane. He stares and stands still, fearing the incoming attack.]
[End of Act 1]
[The episode continues with Crane having his neck clutched by Fenghuang’s talons. He then gets flung into a wall, with his beak stuck inside it. He struggles, yet is unable to free his beak.]
Fenghuang: [off-screen] How pathetic! [The camera cuts to her floating in the air.] Let me put you out of your misery. [She dives towards Crane with her talons. Po blocks her attack with a wok. She cries in pain as she is sent back tiptoeing, with her talons broken into pieces.]
Po: Guys! [The other four begin to wake up.] Her talons! They can’t cut through iron!
[Tigress grabs an iron bar and attacks Fenghuang. Fenghuang fights back, but is unable to break the iron bar. The other three fling random iron objects at her. She dodges them.]
Mantis: [looks up at Fenghuang] Hey, this is for you! [blows a raspberry and laughs]
[Fenghuang yells in anger and dives towards Mantis. She misses as Mantis moves aside. She collides with a paper fan and ends up being deflected by it. Mantis moves the paper fan to reveal an anvil behind it.]
Fenghuang: [sadly] My talons… my beautiful talons. [Seconds later, she is struck by Po’s belly and is sent sliding across the ground.]
Po: [walks towards Fenghuang] Here’s where you say something pithy like… curse you… or… I’ll get you… or… that didn’t feel very good on my… face.
[Fenghuang flees in anger. Mr. Ping and the other villagers appear out of cover.]
Mr. Ping: Let’s hear it for the Dragon Warrior and the Furious Five!
[The crowd cheers.]
Man #11: More like Furious Four.
[The camera cuts to Crane still stuck on the wall.]
Crane: I’m okay! [flaps wings] I got this! [As he frees himself, he lands at the center of the crowd, who all laugh at him. He gets back up and laughs mockingly.] Why don’t you paint a picture? It’ll last longer. [One of the men unfold a scroll to show a crude drawing of Crane stuck on the wall. The crowd laughs. Crane laughs mockingly and then sneezes. The scene cuts to the exterior of the Training Hall at sunset. The camera cuts to the inside, where Crane is in his fighting pose. He jumps into the middle of the Gauntlet of Wooden Warriors and dodges effortlessly, yet apathetically. Shortly after, he sneezes and ends up being knocked into the air by the wooden warriors. While in the air, he accidentally disrupts everyone else’s training. He stops by landing on a weapon rack.] Sorry guys. My bad. [He holds back a sneeze and gets back up.]
[Po and the other four surround Crane.]
Tigress: Focus, Crane! Even though she’s injured, Fenghuang won’t be easy to capture. We have to go after her.
Crane: [He walks away from the others and lightly hits the Adversary, which then grabs hold of his beak.] Ow.
[Po attempts to walk towards Crane to comfort him.]
Tigress: Just leave him alone, Po. Crane’s an accomplished kung fu master. He’ll get his confidence back.
Po: Yeah… and I think I have a plan! [runs towards Crane]
Tigress: Yeah, that’s not what I—
[Crane frees his beak from the Adversary.]
Po: Hey buddy! [chuckles] Uh, sorry about yesterday.
Crane: Oh… no… it was good! I realized now that my life’s a lie and the people I’ve sworn to protect think that I’m a joke. There’s a lotta room for personal growth here. [He punches the Adversary, which bounces back and knocks him off the ground.]
Po: Crane… they just don’t know the real you. But… we can show them the real you.
Po: By totally changing you! [The scene cuts to Crane’s feet walking in public.] Now you’re working it! You’re bad. [The camera moves up to show a displeased Crane wearing a fake mustache and a colorful hat.] And I mean the good bad bad, not bad bad. Just keep workin’ it. Yeah! Work it!
Crane: Uh, are you sure this is, uh, you know, cool?
Po: [He trails alongside Crane.] You bet! Now you’re stylin’.
Crane: [He initially smiles, but then stops smiling after seeing the villagers laugh at him.] They’re still snickering at me.
Po: No, they’re not. They’re snickering with you. Teacup’s half full, buddy.
Crane: [He smiles at Po. He then walks past a few villagers.] Who’s the crane? Oh yeah! That’s what the waterfowl brings to the party!
Mrs. Yoon: Oh, you poor thing.
[More villagers laugh at Crane, who then stops smiling. Shortly after, he cries, trips on a doorstep, and gets his beak stuck in a wall. The villagers laugh while they leave. Po stops behind Crane.]
Crane: Any more bright ideas?
Po: I don’t understand. Your strutting was flawless. And Fu Manchus are the new goatees!
Crane: Thanks, Po. [He frees his beak from the wall.] But it’s no use. [He hands Po the colorful hat.] Face it. I’m a joke. [He slowly walks away while Po runs after him.]
[The scene cuts to Crane and Po going in the training courtyard.]
Po: Come on, Crane. It wasn’t that bad. The mustache maybe… but the hat! It looked cool!
Mantis: [He suddenly appears as he hops towards Crane and Po.] Where have you guys been? Fenghuang’s been spotted up by the mountains.
[The camera shows the four waiting near the entrance of the Training Hall.]
Viper: And she’s still nursing her wing!
Tigress: This is our chance to capture her! Come on! We gotta get up there while she’s still weak.
Crane: I… I’m not going. [walks away]
Po: Huh? Crane, no! We need you.
Crane: Po. You saw me freeze up when Fenghuang attacked. And you heard everyone laughing when we went down to the village.
Po: [optimistically] So? That’s something. [As he nervously laughs, Crane gives him a sad look.] Crane, we’re friends. And being friends means we can always count on each other. No matter what anybody else thinks.
[The four walk towards the exit of the training courtyard.]
Crane: Sorry, Po. [looks away]
Tigress: [touches Po’s shoulder] Po. He’s made his choice. We gotta get going.
[Tigress and Po leave as Crane continues to wallow. The scene cuts to a snowy mountain peak. The camera shows Po and the other four climbing it at another angle. As Tigress struggles to reach the top, a rock falls onto Po’s head. Viper extends her tail for Po to grab on to it.]
Viper: I hope my strength holds out!
Po: I hope your tail holds out!
Tigress: Monkey, start pulling!
[The camera moves up, with noises of struggle from Po and the four in the background. The camera stops on top of the peak, where Fenghuang is seen standing near an entrance, waiting for them.]
Fenghuang: That’s it… come right to me. I’m so injured and helpless. [She reveals her new iron talons by slowly scratching a large rock with them.]
[The scene cuts to Po and the four carefully walking around a narrow cliff path. The camera moves up to show Fenghuang sneakily scratching a higher part of the mountain as she flies across it. Po and the four notices that the mountain is shaking, along with a few falling rocks.]
Po: [He looks up to see a flying object.] It’s Fenghuang! [He blocks the rocks falling towards him with an iron shield.]
Tigress: It’s a trap!
[Large rocks fall between Tigress and the other four, separating them. The camera cuts to Fenghuang taking away Tigress’ iron shield from behind. They fight.]
Fenghuang: [off-screen] I had to make my talons extra sharp just for you. Flattered? [She reappears, diving towards Tigress.]
Po: [climbs rock] I can’t reach her! [He falls on the three. Tigress and Fenghuang continue to fight. Tigress struggles to keep balance on the icy ground while Fenghuang has no problem doing the same. Fenghuang kicks her off the cliff. The four look down the cliff.] Tigress! No!
[End of Act 2]
[The episode continues with the four catching Tigress together. The camera cuts to Fenghuang severing the link by attacking Viper. Po is pushed back. Monkey drops Tigress, who ends up safely crashing on close ground. Fenghuang quickly defeats Monkey, Viper, and Mantis at the same time.]
Fenghuang: [off-screen] It’s over, panda! [She reappears by flying around Po.] Up here, I have the advantage. [She scratches a rock above Po. The mountain shakes. Po looks up to see heavy snow falling towards him.]
[The scene cuts to a broom sweeping the training courtyard.]
Crane: [sweeping] And that Zeng, is how my uncle decided to reinsulate the nest with thatched reed, instead of the more popular doubled-up bundled straw.
Zeng: [He hits his head against his own broom in boredom and nervously laughs.] That’s very, uh, interesting, Master Crane.
Crane: Yep! True story about thatched reed—
Zeng: Uh, Master Crane? Forgive me, but uh… why didn’t you go with the others?
Crane: [looks down sadly] Because I’m a joke, Zeng. At any moment, I can freeze up. [sneezes] At least here, I can’t hurt anyone. [He sneezes and coughs, which causes him to almost hit Zeng with the broom. Shortly after, a rumbling noise is heard from afar. Crane and Zeng look around.] What was that?
[Both look at a snow falling from a distant mountain.]
Zeng: Master, isn’t that where the others went? [Crane looks down sadly.] Shouldn’t we do something? Master Crane? What do we do? What do we do?!
[The scene cuts to' Fenghuang flying around and laughing in triumph.]
Fenghuang: When I’m done with you, all those villagers are going to have to cheer for are a few tufts of fur! [Po is stuck upside-down in the snow. Tigress is exhausted after finishing her climb to a higher level of the mountain. Fenghuang is still flying.] Aww, kitty still wants to pway? [dives towards Tigress]
Po: [tackles Fenghuang] Gotcha!
[Po and Fenghuang fight in the air. Fenghuang then tries to get Po off her legs by flying fast around the mountain. Po endures.]
Fenghuang: Let go of me, you furball! [She forces Po off by flying up and pushing him against the surface of the mountain. A second later, Po regains his grip on her legs.] What?! [She flies towards a tiny mountain gap.]
Po: [scared] Mama.
[As Po survives going through the gap, Fenghuang flies upward, which causes him to hold his breath.]
Fenghuang: Air getting a little thin, big boy?
Po: [panting] No… I… only… breathe… like this… before I… pass out. [falls]
Fenghuang: [laughs] Scratch one Dragon Warrior. [As she flies upward, she stops when she hears Po cheering out of sight.] What?! [She sees Po flying towards her, with Crane below him.]
Po: Yes! This is our Panda Crane Combo Unit Attack!
Fenghuang: No no, that’s impossible!
Po: Up, up, and in your face! [He kicks Fenghuang’s face.]
[Po and Crane fight Fenghuang together in the air.]
Crane: FYI. [Po’s butt lands on his nose.] This is really bad for sinuses! [Po’s butt lands on his nose again.]
Po: Not really the time!
[The camera cuts to the villagers watching the fight from below. Po loses from a punch to his face by Fenghuang. He tumbles through a window and opens the door, leaning against the door frame in pain.]
Po: Double— [He falls flat unconscious.]
[The villagers cry as they witness this.]
Crane: [He puts Po against his chest.] Po. Come on! I can’t defeat her by myself!
Po: [awakens and stands up] Alright, let’s do this! [falls back down]
Fenghuang: [laughs at Crane] Aww, what’s the matter, little birdy? Lose your confidence?! [laughs]
[The camera switches between close-ups of Fenghuang laughing and Crane looking down sadly. At the last moment, Crane looks up in anger.]
Crane: I’ve just found it.
[Crane chases Fenghuang as they fly throughout the valley. When they fly up, she dives towards him. He barely dodges, with only his rice hat sliced in half by her talons. As he wonders where his hat went, she tackles him. She then kicks him down to the bamboo forest below. Seconds later, she is struck by a surprise bamboo to her face by Crane. They both fly across the bamboo forest, with Crane following her. As they fly towards the mountains near the Valley, she scratches them. He dodges an incoming barrage of rocks. When she flies higher, she is unable to find him. Seconds later, he reappears by tackling behind her. They crash into Mr. Ping’s Noodle Shop. The villagers panic as they see Fenghuang standing by the entrance. Seconds later, she falls, revealing Crane to be the victor. He sneezes. Po and the villagers cheer.]
Po: Crane, you did it! You beat Fenghuang! And you totally got over your battle funk.
[Po and the villagers walk towards Crane. The villagers lift him in celebration.]
Villagers: Master Crane! Master Crane!
[The scene cuts to Po, the Five, and a few villagers standing near a building hung with many Chinese lanterns above it.]
Mr. Ping: It is with great pleasure that I announce the grand opening of the new children’s hospital. [The villagers cheer.] Master Crane. As one of the most respected and loved members of the Furious Five, will you do the honors? [points to a red ribbon]
Crane: Well, uh. [He glances at Po and the other four, who are all nodding in approval.] Me? [The villagers hand him a new rice hat. He wears it and looks at Po and the other four.]
Po: [thumbs up] Way to go, buddy.
[Crane cuts the ribbon with his beak. The villagers cheer. He coughs.]
Crane: Was that ribbon made of silk?
Tigress: [sighs] Let’s get him inside.
[Po and the Five go inside the hospital.]
Monkey: He’s allergic to silk?
Mantis: Of course…
Mr. Ping: [nervously chuckles] Let’s hear it for Master Crane! The hospital’s first patient!
Villagers: [cheers] Master Crane! Master Crane! Master Crane!
[End of Act 3]
[End of transcript]